Monday, December 20, 2010

Friday, December 17, 2010

me and all my craziness

I sometimes don't know how to start my blogs. I can't find the words. I can't find the energy to think clearly and make my blog sound intelligent. When I finally find the time to actually type out my thoughts it is most likely the end of the day and my brain is zapped.

My boys have reached the age (or stage?) where they are FULLY embracing their boyhood. They are wrestling like they are age 6 and are very physical in all aspects. They want to run and jump and be loud and hit and throw and whatever else boys do. And when I say wrestling, I'm talking they are on their way to WWF. I see it in the making. Right now they are coy about it. Tristan will sit on Aiden's leg or arm and pretend like he doesn't know he is doing it. Aiden will get in front of Tristan provoking Tristan to hit him out of the way and thus giving Aiden a reason to hit back. It's funny when I write it out but not when I live it out. I had a big brother and know very well what's in store for my boys. LOTS of hitting and punching and not sharing...unless no one is looking and then they share.

Today I was talking to Julian and I told him that I think I have a malfunction. With my brain. Really. That is what I said word for word. Here's why: I am not the type of Mom who can handle stress very well. I run out of patience VERY quickly. I yell and scream. I feel like something is wrong with me. I don't hear of other Mom's doing things I thought were normal, like yell and scream and lose patience. I mean I have but not from many of them. Most posts or blogs make it seem like those Mom's have it all together almost all the time. Like their children are perfect and wonderful. Well, mine aren't according to what society says perfect is. My babies are perfect for me. But they also drive me nuts. A lot. Would I change it? No. Do I want to change myself to handle them better? Yes.

Today is a challenge. I have tons of stuff to do around the house. My boys make it difficult to get chores done. They like to undo my folded laundry. They do like to put the wet clothes in the dryer though. They like to play with all the dirty dishes while they are being loaded into the dish washer. They like to get the dog all rowdy while I'm vacuuming which makes her shed more. They do like to pretend to vacuum with me though and that is adorable. They like to go play by themselves and end up crying within two seconds which makes me not get what I need to get done, done. I have done really good though. I keep telling myself that I need to just do one thing at a time and COMPLETE the task and then move on to the next. It's working. I've completed many projects today. I also have separated my kids. They were to rambunctious. It works for me and my boys. I don't hear of other Mom's doing this though. I feel like I'm the only one who does that, among other things.

I am posting this because I have come to realize something. WHY am I comparing myself to others? I don't know. It shouldn't matter. What works for my family may not work for other families. And as long as deep in my heart I know I'm doing the best I can, I should be happy with that. We all fall short when we put ourselves on some check list someone else made. We will never be good enough for everybody. We just need to be good enough for our spouse and children. God is good and will provide us with the patience we need to make it through the day. We just have to seek Him and receive His gift.

I don't always do this. In fact, I rarely do this. I try to handle the daily tasks all by myself. I convince myself that I can do anything. I just have to dig deep within myself. But that isn't right. I have to lean on Him and trust Him to get me through whatever it is I am trying to get through. Even the little things. MOSTLY the little things. Our day to day lives aren't filled with big issues or major life changes or extremely important decisions are they? Mostly they are a bunch of little things like laundry, cleaning, dinner, lunch, breakfast, brushing our babies teeth, getting them dressed, finding time to take a shower, etc etc etc. Why not seek Him in those moments and just breathe? I don't know why I don't. I should. I'm going to try to do it more often. I'm really hard on myself and feel not good enough when I don't, which is all the time. It's the little things that we should celebrate. Yay, I got laundry done today. Yay, I hung up the pictures that have been sitting there for months. Yay, I made the bed. Thank you my heavenly Father for giving me the time and patience and motivation to do those things. Thank you for allowing me to complete those chores. Thank you for my babies. For my crazy babies. For my loving babies. For my "I wouldn't change the craziness for anything" babies. Thank you for making me, ME. Crazy and all. Stress and all. Loving and all.

I am learning each and every day how to be the best Mom I can be. And wife. I have much to learn. I am embracing who I am instead of fighting it. Instead of me trying to be something I'm not (like a Mom who never gets stressed or doesn't yell) I realize that I am what I am and deal with it. I may not be the best wife out there but I can be the best wife FOR my husband. Because what "Best" is for someone else may not be "Best" for Julian. The same goes for my sons. I can try to be the best for them. What's best for them isn't the best for some other son or daughter.

That's all I can do. That's all you can do. We should all embrace who we are and stop trying to please others. I think we all do this subconsciously. It's what this crooked world is all about. Image. Perfection. Lies.

"You will never really enjoy other people, you will never have stable emotions, you will never lead a life of godly contentment, you will never conquer jealousy and love others as you should until you thank God for making you the way He did"

Monday, December 13, 2010

What A Wonderful Weekend

So the weekend was awesome. Julian and I went to a couple of breweries with some very good friends of ours and had a blast. I even tried some of the beer. You must know though that I HATE beer. It is disgusting and I don't get how people drink it. BUT this weekend I tried several different kind and found two that were tolerable. I still didn't get my own drink. I sipped some and that was it. I'm just not a drinker.

But the day was great. We were able to laugh and have a good time with friends. The boys were at my Mom's and they had a blast there. Good times.

Sunday we went to church and then to lunch with even more good friends (including the good friends we just spent Saturday with). It was great. We haven't had a big lunch crowd like that in a long time. It was hectic but wonderful. I then was able to go to the grocery store all by myself and figure out how to work my grocery app on my phone. It is FLIPPIN' awesome folks. It is called Grocery IQ and it is heaven. It can scan the item you want and then you put in the price of it and it will total up your list for you. I scanned all my items and I wasn't a penny off my total when I got to the register. HOLY MOLY it rocks!!!! I can make my menu and grocery list from home and have my total before even going to the store. Woo-Hoo!! We got home and decided to have a date night. We were just going to get a video-on-demand after the kids went down for bed and snuggle. I made us Toffee Hot Chocolate (for the first time) and it was the best thing I have ever had in a cup. It was so delicious. I'm serious. It was. I also made my soapapilla cheesecake. YUM. Double Yum actually. We ended up not getting a video that we would have to pay for but just watched some of our shows that we needed to catch up on. It was glorious. What a great Sunday. I need many, many, many more of those.

Even though this is out of order, Friday night was great too. I made pizza for the boys (a pizza kit from the store) and added some yummy goodness of my own. I put olives and zucchini on top for them and extra cheese. We watched a movie with the boys and then just relaxed until bedtime. We had an early morning scheduled for Saturday so we didn't stay up late.

It was just a fantastic weekend. I loved it.

Monday, December 6, 2010

BIG Month

This December is a big, big month for me.

First, we are going to Albuquerque for Christmas. This will be my first time in Julian's hometown for Christmas as well as the boys. I am very excited about it actually. I am a bit sad about not being with my family, like I always have been, but we are doing our party on the 18 so it's not as if I am not getting a Christmas with them. I am super stoked about going. We are going to do a River of Lights tour. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas lights so I think I'm more excited about that than anyone else. We are planning on taking a train ride to Santa Fe. How flippin' cool is that? Tristan is going to freak. He loves trains and Aiden is going to love it too. He is all boy. ALL boy. Trains, planes, and automobiles are what gets his heart tickin' fast. =) Julian and I are also going to try to go to dinner with one of his Air Force buds. That will be awesome for my Honey. He needs that connection. Grandma will be our sitter so Julian and I also get to go on a date. OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH how we need that. And I know the boys are going to LOVE being with their Grandma. They miss her so much. Plus, she is going to get to know Aiden this time around. She was here in August but I don't think Aiden had really come out of his shell yet. He is now though. He loves to play and get your attention and "talk" to you. I'm excited about the cold weather. I love cold weather. I want to bundle up with all my layers and coats and scarves. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Hot chocolate and snuggles with Julian to keep me warm. aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

The thing I am most excited about is sharing this glorious holiday with my Mom (in-law but I just call her mom because she is mom. Julian's family is my family). This is the first time I get to spend this holiday with her. This is her favorite holiday as well. I can't wait to see her excitement on Christmas morning. I am going to soak up all the love up and keep it in my heart forever. She needs to be with her grandbabies on her holiday. It's good for the soul. I just love that woman.

The second reason this month is a big one is because I turn THIRTY!! Now, I have never been one to see turning thirty as a big deal. It isn't like 30 is old. However, I have always seen 30 as a big milestone. I have been looking forward to turning thirty since I was about 22. I always saw turning thirty as leaving one "stupid" decade and going into the "secure" decade of life. In our twenties we make tons of mistakes (most of us anyway) and just live our lives thinking we won't pay for our mistakes. In our twenties we are dumb and only care about ourselves. We don't know exactly who we are. But I always thought that when we turn 30 we would be more secure in ourselves and would have learned from our past mistakes. Now that I am turning 30 myself, I am realizing that just isn't the case. I am NOT more secure in myself. I have NOT learned from previous struggles. I mean I have but it sure is hard living out what I know to be true and proper sometimes.

I have taken an inventory of my life and I see 30 rapidly approaching. I am not ready for it in the sense of I thought I'd be further along in my own journey(as just Jennifer, not a Mother, not a Wife, not a Daughter but as just me). I am not as secure as I thought I would be. I am not the woman I saw myself being. I still struggle with things that I thought I wouldn't be struggling with. It is all different than what I dreamed it would be. So I have been working on some of the changes I need to make in order for my thirties to ROCK!! Here are a few:

Finish what I start.
Relax more.
Love more.
Yell less.
Enjoy my family instead of trying to control them.
Be happy with what God gave me.
Embrace myself for who I am.
Stop caring so much what others think.
Be ME not someone else.
Let the little things go.
Stress less.

These are some of the things I need to work on. There are many, many more but I can't think of them. Did you see how some of them are the same? I need to just be happy with being Jennifer. Not try to be "a Jennifer" that others want me to be but just be me. I saw that theme in my twenties. I would change for others. I would think less of myself for some odd reason. But not anymore. I am me and should be happy with that. God made me just the way I am and God doesn't make mistakes. He is perfect. We should all love who we are!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Things I Love

I love winter and winter clothing.
I love wind. And breezes. And scarves.
I love bright colors and wearing bright colors any time of the year.
I loved watching C.S.I. when Grissom was on the show.
I love watching shows with my husband and I love t.v. I love going to the movies and sitting at Barnes and Noble.
I love Starbucks and ordering the same drink over and over and never venturing outside my box.
I love my house.
I love the mess in my house and cleaning the messes in my house.
I love my house when I just got done cleaning it.
I love my brand new car.
I love my bathroom. It's pretty. I love all bathrooms. I love to see how different they can all be.
I love traveling and I LOVE Paris.
I love my big backyard, the color of the bricks, and mailbox.
I love being in love with my husband.
I love the color fuchsia.
I love going on road trips with comfy pants on and magazines to look at and books to read.
I love reading, especially reading mafia books.
I love cooking and kitchens. I love kitchen equipment.
Shopping is super fun and I am learning to love it.
I love shoes, watches, purses. Oh how I love purses.
I love dogs and particularly love my two dogs. Drew and Petrie.
I loved breastfeeding. I loved wearing my baby. I loved wearing him when it was cold, not hot.
I love shopping for little boy clothes. And I love figuring out what my boys will wear for the day. I love my parents. Dearly.
I love my brother even though he is going through something awkward right now.
I love God and all that He has blessed me with.
I love my husband with all that I am. I love his smell. I love his hair. I love his face. I love his cute feet. I love everything about him.
I love my two sons. I love their hair and they way they smell. I love how different they are and dread how different they are at the same time. But I do love them...unconditionally.
I love my husband for creating my babies with me. I love our love.

These are some of the things I love. It feels good to write it down. It feels good to think happy thoughts. Maybe you learned something about you didn't know before.

You do the same on your blog. It's fun.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Imagination

So today my beautiful, handsome, wonderful Tristan showed me just how much he has grown up!! He was playing with his Lego's and actually built me a house. A real house. One that looks just like a house. Not a tower of Lego's just put together. He made me a house. I watched him put it together all on his own. No help. No nothing. He is growing up so fast. I cried. I am so happy for him that his imagination is shining through now. He wanted to make his Momma a house. I can't wait to see what his little brain will want to make me tomorrow.

He also had an imaginary friend today. Diego! You know, THE Diego. He didn't create his own name or person, he borrowed Nickelodeon's, but he sure played with him around the house today. They climbed a mountain, went into a cave, hid from bears and lions and tigers, and had dinner together. It was so cute. I accidentally sat on Diego though. Oops! I didn't injure him, I just sat on him and hurt his feelings according to Tristan. He's better now after his peanut butter and jelly sammich. Hope he doesn't have a nut allergy.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

All Alone and So Quiet

Tristan is at MDO and the house is so quiet without him. Aiden doesn't know what to do without his big brother. It is precious to see him look for Tristan all over the house. I am at work on Tuesdays and Aiden is at my Mom's house. She keeps him very busy and entertained. Because he only sees her twice a week he is okay on Tuesday's when Tristan is gone because it is somebody new to play with. On Thursday's I think he is extra sad because we are at home where he is ALWAYS with his big brother. I have started "school" for him now to keep him busy. Normally he has Tristan to occupy his mind and we don't get one on one time so this is lovely for both of us.

We are practicing colors, letters, numbers, sounds, words, and objects. I am very far behind in teaching him the basics. Tristan at 18 months knew his colors and could say plenty of words. Aiden can say lots of words but only when prompted by other people. Tristan would talk to us. Aiden talks back. So I feel as though I have been a huge slacker with the second child. Shame on me.

He is doing great though. Come to find out he already knows tons of things. He just doesn't show or tell us he knows them. Now that it is just the two of us he has all the time in the world to show me just how much he knows. I am amazed at what I thought he didn't know but he actually does know. I love it. He is the loud, quiet one. Weird huh? He is loud with whining, he is the KING of whining, but quiet with actual talking. He gets your attention by whining or crying instead of using words. This is a work in progress of teaching him to use words to get me or Daddy to do whatever it is he is wanting us to do for him. We are slowly but surely getting there.

I love my little Aiden. He is such a character once you get to know him. People who try to say hi to him probably think he is horrible. He never lets them hold him, touch him, or even talk to him. He is very strange. He really is. There are only 4 1/2 people who are on the inside with him. Mommy, Daddy, Tristan (he should really be first because he is the closest to Aiden), my Mom aka Dodi, and my Dad is halfway there. Hence the 4 1/2. Other than these four people, Aiden doesn't let you close.

But if you are privileged enough to be in his inner circle, it is an amazing place to be.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Feeling Better

The last two weeks have been a hectic two weeks. My boys were sick, off and on, and then Julian got a cold over the weekend but it was a really bad cold.

It started with the boys getting colds two Mondays ago. Both of them gradually got worse over the day and by night time they were snot nosed cuties. They were not the most pleasant to be around but at they were cute looking. Well, they got over their colds by Thursday but then on Saturday Tristan got a tummy ache that lasted a week. Oh man. That was torture for a Mommy. Everyday was a poo accident that was everywhere and I had at least one load of laundry everyday. UGH. But now he is doing okay and everything seems to be okay. Thank goodness. I was going crazy with all the poo.

Julian ended up getting a massive cold on Wed/Thursday night. I can't remember which one but it was really bad. He couldn't breathe and was coughing up a storm. Nights were horrible. Julian couldn't sleep and Tristan kept needing assistance with his tummy so that meant that Mommy did not sleep. Boy, sleep is important folks. I felt like I had a newborn again. Intermittent sleep and taking care of everyone else but yourself.

I am happy to say that we are all doing good now. Kids aren't sick and Julian was on the mend as of yesterday. This is great news for me.

Happy children make a Momma happy. A happy hubby makes a wife happy.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Four Years

Saturday was my anniversary. Four years married to the imperfect man who is perfect for me. It has been a great four years filled with every emotion possible. I wouldn't change it for the world.


The day was wonderful...minus an hour of it. It is our tradition that every anniversary we have pictures taken. This year was CRAZY. I have learned that my boys are NOT picture takers at all. Aiden refuses to sit still or be near anyone. He won't smile. He won't stand still either. He is the most horrible "model" ever for taking pictures. I was so stressed out during the process. I can't believe the photographer got some good shots. I got one of Tristan smiling and one of Aiden just being Aiden. It isn't the greatest picture but it isn't the worst. By the time she got around to taking pictures of Julian and me I was done. My cheeks were all pink from being frustrated and I just wasn't in the mood for being all smiley. Although we did get a good family picture and Julian and I still got a good picture of us, I wasn't the most satisfied. I call a re-do!


But other than that, it was a perfect day. Julian and I woke up early to make breakfast together. We ate as a family (which isn't abnormal) and then Julian got the boys ready as well as himself so that way I could spend all my time on myself. That was super sweet. No stress at all getting ready or getting to the studio. It was the taking of the pictures that was overwhelming. Afterwards though, it was all good. We dropped the kids off at my Mom and Dad's and then we went home to enjoy the day together.


We cooked all day. Just cooked and enjoyed each other's company. HOW ROMANTIC AND AWESOME. I love to cook and Julian loves to eat so it works out great. We made this fantastic shrimp and crab dip as an appetizer. Oh man...it is DELICIOUS.


I am drooling right now. Ok, done drooling.


We then watched a show together and then prepped for dinner. We started marinating our steak the night before in wine so all we had to do was chop veggies. Our dinner was amazing. We had Red Wine & Rosemary Flank Steak with Homefries (not french fries or fries for that matter) and Roasted Veggies. HOLY MOLY it was good. I don't like to drink that much so I got some sparkling apple cider to put in a wine glass and seem fancy while Julian got Shiner.


We cleaned up together, sat together, and talked together. It was a day to be together and be with just each other. It was magical. We were going to do a ganache with fruit but we were stuffed. We picked up the boys about eight and put them down to bed as soon as we got home. We spent the rest of the night cuddling and talking and falling in love with each other even more. I could stare into his big, brown eyes forever.

Monday, September 20, 2010

mmmm mmmm good

Things are good. Life is good. My children are healthy and happy (most times but they may think otherwise when they are in the midst of their fit because Mommy said no to something they wanted). My husband is doing good in his new job. He likes it and seems to be happy. I have been doing good. I am trying to take more time for myself and I am loving it. I have been going to the gym (I only just started going back so it is farely new and I will have to see if I continue it) and I really enjoy it. I used to go all the time before marriage and babies. I would go four to five times a week and spend at least an hour and a half there. I go now and don't do nearly as much as I used to and only spend a little bit of time there but it feels great. I am reading more because I LOVE to read.

I sort of went through a lot this year. I had family issues and personal issues but now things seem to be looking up. I am looking very forward to the fall. I absolutely LOVE cold weather (the clothes are wonderful because they cover everything...no short shorts or shirts barely covering your bits and pieces). I am waiting for the cold weather to come but it will. I am anxiously awaiting it. This fall is going to be a good one.

Even our dogs are doing good. Aiden is in love with Drew and he will chase Petrie around trying to get her nub of a tail. It is funny. Drew lets him sit on top of her and poke her in the eye. That dog is so incredibly good with my children. She loves them like they were her own puppies. Petrie is good but would rather cuddle with me. She will play with the boys but gets tired of them quickly.

Life is good like I said. We are healthy, happy, and full of hope.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Tristan's first day at MDO

It was great. Tristan was ready to start school a long time ago I think. We would talk about it and he would say "let's go now!" How cute. He already knows his colors, numbers, and shapes. He is learning that in his school right now so he is a bit ahead for now but I am happy for him. He is going to learn spanish and has a computer class. How exciting!!

He was perfectly fine when we got there. He went right to his seat that he picked on "Meet the Teacher" day. He posed for pictures with me and then went to go play. He was happy to see me when I picked him up. His teacher said that he didn't take a nap and I experienced the consequences of that. He was happy to see me but quickly turned into cranky boy. He fell asleep almost as soon as we got in the car but was still super cranky the rest of the day.

I cried when I got in the car after dropping him off. I kept my composure in the classroom and almost let loose a tear on the way out but didn't.

I am amazed at the stage we are at. I can't believe he is going to preschool. Crazy. I have always said I would wait until Tristan was three to send him to MDO and now he is old enough to go. Where did the past three years go?

I know that this is going to be great for him and he seems to really be enjoying it.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Funky Funk

Have you ever been in a funk and you really don't know why? There isn't anything to really put you in one but you find yourself just being not yourself.

That has been me for the past few weeks. I don't know what caused it but I just found myself not thinking like I normally do. I was very down on myself and others. I was thinking negatively. It just wasn't pretty. It wasn't ugly because I didn't treat anyone else different than normal either. I was just sort of in my own hole. I have slowly gotten out of it and am very grateful that I have.

Julian and I have met new people on our side of town which has been such a great blessing. And the people seem to be super awesome. They are in the same boat of life as we are. They have children that are very close in age as our children. We are spiritually connected in a way that I haven't really felt before. It's as if we walk the same walk and are walking the same pace but yet different enough to where we can learn from each other and challenge each other in an uplifting way. No one is left out, everyone brings something to the table, and we all respect each other. I have been a part of groups before but this one feels different somehow. I can't quite explain it. I am not saying this in a way that takes away anything from other people I have been blessed to know, I am just happy to express what is going on in our lives presently.

Julian has a new job. That is AWESOME news considering he hated his job and it was really wearing on him. This is an opportunity for us. A big, big opportunity for us. It could be a wonderful change or it could be a hot mess. I am praying it works out for us. It could bring happy, happy outcomes for us if it does. If it doesn't then we will just deal with that when it happens. A side note, we now work together. He works where I work. Yay.

These are some happy changes that have taken place over the last month. Julian starts his new job Monday and I am happy for Tuesday when I get to go to work and see him there.

About that funk though, it seems to be going away. Again, I am not sure what caused it or why it stuck around but slowly it is going away. I just wasn't feeling like the normal Jenny. I am now starting to think happier things, feel happy feelings, say happy sayings, and just plain be happy.

I was just wondering if anyone else ever felt that way. Like out of the norm but you just can't put your finger on it and then you start to feel bad because you know you shouldn't feel that way but you still do and then everything else falls apart because you just can't seem to get your act together. All that rolled into one and plenty more that I am just not saying because I already feel I have said too much and don't want you thinking I am a looney case. I am a looney case but I just don't want you to think that I am. Do you? If you didn't, you might now.

Happy Reading Folks.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

We didn't even last TWO DAYS!!!

So we didn't even last two days with those crappy pay-as-you-go phones. Not two days. Ha. I was so sad when I had an eye appointment and couldn't call Julian to let him know how I was doing. I was sad when we went to the Children's Museum and I couldn't call Julian to let him know I had his ticket to let him in. I realized how sad I was when I didn't have Tristan's laugh anymore on my phone.

All that combined, plus the fact that with two little ones I need to be able to call my hubby IF I needed.....or wanted, is what led us to say "forget it" with the plan of basic phones.

So I am glad we tried.

We failed.

We moved on and bought new phones.

End of story.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

How's this for takin' a step back?

Times are tough. Not just for me and my household but for everyone some way or another. Julian and I made a huge change to help save money. We got rid of our blackberry's and switched over to a pay as you go phone that has unlimited texts. How is that for a big change of life style? That is a HUGE step for us. I felt robbed of something special to me. I was sad. I felt empty. I felt very disappointed.



BUT I did learn a few things in the midst of this. First, I have become entirely too dependant on my phone. It is my "blankie" if you will. I felt complete with my phone. I would check it in the car while driving (I know, I know), it would be within reach during dinner at a restaurant, I had to make sure it was always where I could grab it easily. Second, I was teaching my children that phones are more important than what you are doing in the moment. If my phone went off or an email came through I had to look at it. I don't want my kids feeling that phones are important. Life is important. Living is important. Family is important. Third, I don't want to teach my kids that driving and texting is okay because it ISN'T!!! But that is what I was showing them. I would call Julian as soon as I went somewhere to let him know I was leaving or arriving and if the kids were in the car they obviously saw that. I really don't want them thinking that is okay and the norm. Fourth, it is expensive to have all those gadgets and accessories. I would rather my money go to something else.

This is a very honest post. This is what we are doing as a family and couple to improve our lives. It works for us (at least we are going to find out if it does) and that's what matters.

This is probably going to be a rough transition at first not being able to call someone whenever I want but at least I can text all day long if I want. But I also have a feeling that the first time we don't have to pay an outrageous phone bill we are going to be very happy people.

Monday, July 26, 2010

whatever is true, whatever is noble

"6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praise worthy - think about such things."

Philippians 4: 6-8

We have all read this passage before. I will admit though that I never really looked at verse 8 with an open mind and heart. I have now and I am amazed. I absolutely love that verse. The words are perfect. Perfect. I wish it were easier to follow what it says but it isn't. I have to keep repeating true, noble, right, and pure in my head over and over again when I get upset or down.

But when you do that, a peace really does come over you. You start to loosen up and be happy. I know that most everyone has had this experience a long time ago, the experience of this verse and actually putting it into practice. I was talking to my beautiful mother the other day about this verse. I kept saying how wonderful it is and that I am trying to live it out in my daily life. She, of course, is already familiar with Philippians 4: 6-8 (and many more verses) and listened to me go on and on about it with a smile on her face. I told her that in life people are going to find verses and then forget about them and then come across them again someday. When you come back to it, it will take on a whole new meaning. It is the Living Word and is timeless and permanent and truthful. It can apply to all walks of life no matter what you are going through. One year it may mean something special to you and then the next it means something even more special to you.

I am just in love with how God is never changing in this always changing world. He is alwasy there with open arms no matter how many times I fall. He is always loving and caring and He wants what is best for me. He gave me a manual to help me through this thing we call life...even though life isn't what I am living for. It is for Him and being united with Him one day. Spreading His love because when you love someone or something you want to share it with the world. That's why we have such big, dramatic weddings. We want to share our love for someone with everyone we know. We want to shout it to the world that we are in love with someone and want to spend the rest of our lives with that someone. We should all feel that way with God...wanting to show the world our love for Him and shout it out loud.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Get Moving

So here is a progress report for my "getting back to my normal weight and health only now I have babies" endeavor.

Last week (maybe I should do a weekly report...) on Wednesday I woke up at 5 am and went for an hour walk. I then did another walk that evening for 45 minutes because I knew that I wasn't going to walk on Thursday due to having way too much fun with Julian on his birthday. So as you just read, Thursday was no exercise but tons of food that wasn't good for me. I went to the gym on Friday and did 45 minutes of cardio which was a little over 3 miles. It felt so good but because my body isn't used to that my hip muscle started hurting Saturday evening. I was very busy on Saturday so I didn't have a chance to workout nor did I want to because my muscle hurting.

Today is Sunday and I don't see myself doing anything. Oh wait...I went swimming with the boys. That counts. I didn't swim as much as just chill with my boys but it's better than nothing.

I will try hard this week to keep up the good work. Now I really, really need to work on my food intake. Better food and less of it.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

It's About Dang Time

Maybe if I write it down to go into the world of cyberspace/computer waves/land of who knows/world of "does anyone really read this" I might stick to the plan. The plan of actually exercising and trying to be accountable of what goes into my mouth. Aiden is 14 months old and Tristan is almost 3. He is technically 34 months but who in the heck says their child is 34 months old? Use years people. When your child is over the age of two it's time to start using years to tell people how old they are. My point being this...it is past the time for me to have shed ALL baby weight gained. I lost Aiden's within a month and half but I only gained 22 lbs with him. I gained a whopping 48 lbs with Tristan. That weight I have not lost I am sad to admit. But oh well, crying about it isn't going to do anything.

I was doing great with the weight loss but then stress struck. Family stress. Major family stress. My diet was out the window, along with my sanity. But now I have chosen to step away from the drama (which thankfully that drama worked itself out) and focus on me and my boys (meaning all my boys..Julian, Tristan, and Aiden). Step one: lose the weight finally. It is beyond time to lose all that friggin weight. Step two: have fun with life. Step three: Stop worrying about everything. Step four: I haven't looked that far down the list because I am still working on step one. Come back again when I got that all straightened out.

So I was thinking that maybe if I wrote some of my progress down where I know the possibility of someone else seeing what I do, or don't do, is far greater than writing it down where only I see it, I might get serious. Real serious.

Let's see.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Julian's Love Day

So yesterday was Julian's birthday. His 30th birthday! You know, the big one? I took off work so we could spend the day together. He obviously did too. The boys were at my Mom's as if it were a normal Thursday so she wouldn't freak out.

I am so happy we did that. We weren't going to take any time off to celebrate this special occasion of getting old but I convinced my adorable Hubby to spend as many hours with me as possible. I call it our Love Day.

We went to the movies and saw The Sorcerer's Apprentice. It was WAY better than what I had expected. WAY. We went to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch and shared a plate. Awwwww. Normally we don't do that for two reasons: 1) I want my own dang food and I want all of it. 2) He wants his dang food and he wants all of it. There you go. That's why. But yesterday we shared and it was cute. We weren't that hungry from eating massive amounts of popcorn at the movies and it helped save a buck. Win-Win. We then spent an hour browsing around the Apple store. If you know my husband then you know that this is the best gift I could give him minus buying everything in the Apple store. To be able to touch and play with anything he wanted in that store WITHOUT two kids crying and begging to leave is a miracle. We enjoyed that miracle. We really did. And he probably was even more happy that I was showing an interest in all those expensive gadgets. I just don't have the unconditional love for electronics like my Honey does. I think that makes him sad but let's not dwell on that. We then went to look at garden stuff, again if you know my hubs then you know this makes him happy. The time came for us to pick up our little mini-us's and enjoy an evening at home. Yes I just made up a word. I can do that. I'm cool like that.

And the best part is ................. I made the birthday boy THE BEST DINNER EVER!!!! He is a steak man. I am not a steak woman. Do you see the issue? Yes. Good. I made him French Onion Sliced Steak with Gruyere Sauce. and fresh green beans on the side. They were good but who doesn't know how to cook green beans? That's easy. The steak is the show stopper. Plus, Honey LOVES LOVES LOVES LOVES cheese. I made a Gruyere Sauce. I did. Holy Moly. It was easy shmeesy and deelish to boot. Perfecto!! He never puts anything on a steak. It takes away from the steak he says. Rubbish in my opinion but it's his food. I made the Gruyere sauce for the topping of the steak. And he liked it. That is the first time he has ever liked and wanted a topping for steak. I am going to take that as a compliment to the sauce and not an insult to the steak. The steak was fantastic. First time I have ever even attempted making a steak. That's a man's job. Not mine. But it was his birthday and a special one at that so I had to make him something extra special.

It was a perfect, and I mean perfect, Love Day.

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Give it to Him

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Philippians 4:11-13 NIV

I am doing a study right now on my own. I bought "Calm My Anxious Heart" by Linda Dillow. I was at Barnes and Noble the other night, alone, and was able to wander around not worrying about crying babies. I saw this book on the shelf and it was as if it said "Pssst, hey you! Check me out." I started reading some of it there and was impressed by how quickly I reacted to it. I loved the way it was written. I say that only having read the first chapter, but still. Something told me to buy it (that little voice in my head that I don't always listen too I think is who told me to do it) so I did.

I thought maybe I would post the passage each week that I am memorizing for you guys to see also. I can't hurt right? So here it is. Philippians 4:11-13. I have read this verse MANY times but now I am reading it through different eyes. I took the time to memorize it. I said it out loud numerous times yesterday (that was my first day doing my study) to my sons, to the dogs, to myself, and to my husband. It was fun seeing Tristan listen to me and then try to say it back.

I am excited to do this study. I do have an anxious heart. As Mommies and wives, I think we all do. It takes effort to release things to God. It doesn't feel natural at first to do that, at least not for me. Especially not 100% giving it away. I would give my problems to God maybe 50% but not really 100%. I know that sounds bad but it is the truth. This is just one of my struggles. I am working on giving it all, ALL, to Him and getting to know my God better.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Ant See

I am antsy. I have been for quite some time now.

I am the type of person that always moves the furniture around in the house. Every time people come to my house they expect our furniture to be different than their last visit. Well, for the past few months I have left every piece of furniture right where it was for the sake of "showing" the house IF we had an appointment. It is driving me nuts. NUTS I tell you. I want to move stuff so bad but I know that I shouldn't. It involves moving wires and it makes the house look totally different each time I do it. Oh well.

I did, however, move a little bit of stuff around. I moved Aiden's dresser and play table around in his room. I changed his crib deco also. I change Tristan's bedding almost every other day to something else. It's the little things. They make me happy. I like to see new things. Actually, not new things. I just like to see things different. I don't like to see the same things in the same place day after day after day. I have always been that way. My mom said I was that way even when I was as young as five years old. I moved my room around all the time growing up.

It's just me. That's what makes me, me.

I am still antsy though. I am not quite sure why. I try to think about it and figure it out but end up getting frustrated.

Friday, June 25, 2010

My Two Sons

My Handsome Tristan



My Little Helper, Aiden



Tristan with his tower of Leggos



My Fireman!!



Saturday, June 19, 2010

Eggplant Parmesan

OMG...I made eggplant parmesan and it was FABULOUS.


Tonight we had my parents over to celebrate my mom's birthday. We were in Florida on her actual birthday so I asked her to tell me her favorite dish so I could make it for her. Eggplant parm is what she picked. YUM.


At first I was skeptical because #1 I don't do eggplant, #2 I have no clue how to prepare it, and #3 I couldn't find a recipe for it. I eventually found a recipe and now I love it.


I started it at 3:00 and it was served at 7:30! Sheesh. I had to let the eggplant weep (suck out the bitter juices with salt) for an hour but other than that I was busy the whole time. It is covered in two types of cheese and smothered with tomatoes. It really is delicious.


I made my own marinara sauce to go on it. I even made my own bread crumbs instead of buying them from the store. Dee-Lish. I think my "make it myself" motto is making a difference in taste. It just seems to be richer in flavor and so much cheaper. Win-Win for me.


Here is a picture of the masterpiece. Everyone went back for seconds so I think it is safe to say it was a huge success.


Friday, June 18, 2010

for my family and friends

Dear Lord, today I eagerly ask You to give my loved ones knowledge, understanding, discernment, and the perseverance needed to follow it. Help them to trust in You even through the waiting. Help them to hear Your voice whispering nearby. Allow them to feel Your very presence and see Your purpose in the midst of their circumstances. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
Dear Lord,

Help me to see my children clearly today. If I need to set boundaries, please help me to set them with love and wisdom. If it is time to encourage my children to grow, give me the courage and wisdom to guide them with Your love. Thank you for my children's destiny. Thank you that You have a plan for my children. I trust in that today.

Amen.


I saw this prayer this morning in my inbox and it really moved my heart. I tweaked it to fit my life personally so it isn't exactly how I read it the first time but I love this prayer. As a parent, sometimes I miss out on the happy times I could be enjoying trying to be the enforcer or disciplinarian. I don't always see what beautiful boys I have because I am concentrating on the bad behaviours instead of the good. I like this prayer so much because of that first line. Help me to see my children clearly. That is a powerful statement in my opinion.

I prayed this prayer for each child individually also. I wanted to share this with you and I hope that it moves your heart somehow just like it moved mine.

I also want to say that I believe we are all the best mother's we know how to be. We are doing a great job and have excellent children. Keep up the good work Mommies (and Daddy's).

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

He Listens

One thing I know for sure is that it is naive for a Mother to think that her two children will be exactly alike. It's incorrect to think that your two children, made from the same two people (you and your husband) and grown in the same place, would be the same. This much I know is true. HA. I was SOOOOOOOO naive to think that my two boys would be the same. But I did. And then realized how incredibily wrong I was.

Let me start out by saying I should have known better when the pregnancies themselves were completely different. I should have known better, but I didn't. I still thought "piece of cake. this one will be easy shmeesy just like Tristan was". Little did I know. I look back and laugh at myself now. I laugh and laugh thinking about how I was hoping and thinking they would be the same. Tristan was just too easy. He really was. Aiden is just different. NOT worse just different.

It's hard to explain without sounding ugly or mean or favoring of one child. I love my boys. LOVE them dearly. I am just amazed every day how different they are. I won't lie though. Tristan is easy. He has his moments where I get annoyed and upset but overall he is a FANTASTIC child. He listens and is polite (most of the time) and learns easily and sleeps through the night (since he was six weeks old) and is just so easy. He is my "I don't have to worry about him because I know he will be okay and not drive me nuts on a daily basis and will help me with his brother" child. I can count on him. He always listened. Always. If I said "no" he wouldn't do whatever it was he was doing anymore.

Aiden is the exact opposite of that. He doesn't listen. He has a mind of his own and listens to the voices in his head only. He didn't sleep through the night until he was almost one. He makes me rock him to sleep or hold him till he almost falls asleep unlike his brother who only wanted to be put down in his crib and left alone. He is textbook child. He won't let me go anywhere without him. He is a picky eater. He is all that and more. I love him so very much. He is a FANTASTIC child also. His smile will melt your heart. It makes me feel good knowing that I am his best bud and he wants just me. Again, I won't lie. That gets annoying sometimes. I can't sit through church. I can't get a babysitter. He won't let Julian comfort him. But in the end, I love it. I really do. He is my "Oh boy, I better not take my eyes off him because he will run in the middle of the street or run off somewhere. He is going to drive me crazy on a daily basis with his NEVER letting me out of his sight" child. He never listens to me...or Julian. If I say "no" he looks at me and then does whatever it is he is doing anyway. He does. He looks RIGHT at me and then does it anyway. Ha. He has nerve, I give him that much.

I love them both. I love how different they are. I love that they give me the complete package. One is easy and one is not as easy. Both melt my heart on a daily basis. Both are the most handsome boys I have ever layed eyes on. Both are going to make some ladies VERY happy one day. Both make my life complete.

Today, though, something happened that I must write down in the books. Aiden actually listened to me. Yay. I had to sweep my oh-so-gross kitchen because I could feel the dirt stick to my bare feet as I made my children breakfast this morning. Yuck. I was debating whether to put Aiden in his bouncy thing to keep him in one place. I decided not too. Chuggington was on t.v. so I knew I had a little time. As I was sweeping Aiden wanted to come to where I was because he couldn't see me from where he was. I sternly said "no" and he actually listened to me. He stopped, he looked at me, he turned right back around and went to the living room. He did this about three times and each time he listened to me. This, my friends, is progress.

I am very excited about this. He normally won't listen and I end up having to pick him up and put him where I told him to go. But not today. Today he listened.

I love him. I love his progress. I love how I didn't think he would listen and yet he did. I love Tristan and how I knew he would be the one I didn't need to worry about. I love him too. I love how they both keep me on my toes and each day show me more and more of the men they are growing up to be.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Do you want to hear something CRAZY?? I have never seen any comments left on my blogs until just now. How crazy is that? I am happy to see that I had some. That made me feel special for some reason.

I finally know how to see them. I am sooooooooooooo slow when it comes to this stuff. Seriously slow.

haha.

Sick of being Sick

I am not feeling good today. My nose is stuffy and the back of my throat is killing me due to drainage. This means that my boys will get to watch tv and basically have free reign over the house. I can't get in their faces much for fear of getting them sick. I would hate that. They already seem like they are fighting something.

I suppose this is a perfect ending to a "not even close to being perfect" week. Being sick today may just be my body's reaction to the week's stress. This week has been crazy stressful. There is so much going on that my mind can't keep up. Or my emotions.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Crossroad

Have you ever felt out of place? Like you just can't find where you fit in. It isn't as if you are unhappy. It isn't like people are making you feel unwelcome. It may be the place you are at or the mood a city gives. It could be the way people act naturally and it just doesn't click with you. It may be bigger and better opportunities may be elsewhere and now you feel trapped between what you know and what you don't know. You feel uncertain of what one place may offer and what it may not offer.

Do you ever feel like you are all alone? As if there is no way anyone else in this world could possibly understand what you are going through? Have you ever felt so incredibly different than everyone else? As if you are a foreigner in your own city/home/work/safe place?

So many thoughts, so many choices, so many ways to go wrong, so many ways to go right, so many everything. So many avenues to go down that you are going bonkers in your head trying to figure them all out?

A crossroads of sorts. And the things wanting to keep you somewhere are also the things driving you away. The things you love are the things that won't last. They don't really care. They don't know you for who you really are. And if they did of course they would treat you different and judge you.

Have you felt as if you had to live up to standards that you don't believe in yourself but you still try to hold on to them? Things you don't like or would ever think you would do them but now you do? And you don't really know why they are important to you because you know it doesn't mean anything.

A crossroad. You can go one way or another. What makes you choose which way?

Monday, May 24, 2010

Potty and Progress

So Tristan is officially done with diapers for good. Like FOR GOOD. He doesn't use them at all. He is in underroos all day and even at night. He is doing so incredibily well. He stays dry at night (except for a couple of nights but that's okay) and doesn't really have accidents. We have gone out and about he uses the bathroom wherever we are at. I am so impressed. I remember when I found out I was having a boy I panicked. I had no clue how to potty train a boy. I don't have that sort of equipment. But it was easy shmeesy. I hope Aiden is just as easy. If not, fine. If so, score for Mommy again.

It really only took Tristan about half a day and he was done, training accomplished. He only had two accidents and then he knew how to tell if he had to go. He was so ready for this. He kept saying he wanted big boy underroos and that he wanted to use the big potty. That was perfect. I had no question about if he was ready. He was.

Aiden starting walking the same weekend. Like truly walking. He was all over the house on just his feet. I cried with happiness and sadness. He doesn't look like a baby anymore when he is walking. He is in a big boy car seat now also. Boo-hoo yet Yay at the same time. He looks sooooooooo big now. Handsome just like his Daddy. I got my first comment the other day about Aiden looking like me. That is the FIRST time someone said he looks like me and he is 13 months old. I almost wanted to hug the lady. And kiss her too. I didn't though. I wanted to but I didn't. I don't quite see it but whatever. To that lady who said that, THANK YOU!!

Also on Sunday Aiden lasted half of the service in the nursery/weepoint. That is progress. Most times I am called back within about 15 minutes. So making it for 30 to 40 minutes is major progress. I am thankful for Emily Hazlewood. She was so nice to Aiden and patient with him. She did all she could and for that I am thankful. Sometimes people won't deal with crying for long and give up. She tried and again I am thankful. I am thankful for the Weepoint volunteers. They try with him. Time will heal his anxiety. I know it will. Until then, I will make the best of it. I do however LOVE the first Sunday of the month. The volunteers in Weepoint know Aiden well and usually know how to calm him and I can sit in the service the whole time. For that, THANK YOU Ashley, James, Tracy and Stephen. Love you all.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

PT

So today I started potty training with Tristan. OMG...I could not have asked for a better child or first day of potty training. He did soooooooooooooo good. Seriously, sooooooooooooo good. He only had about four accidents all day and even poo'd in the potty..twice. I am so very proud of him. I prayed for patience and kindness towards Tristan. We made a great team today. Me and Tristan. Julian took Aiden today so I could give Tristan all my attention. I am going to pray for the same stuff tomorrow and see how it goes. Whatever may happen I am not going to forget how well he did today. God gave me the best child EVER.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Sweet or Insane?

It's 10:30 pm on a Friday night and I just got done cooking THREE, yes three, meals. This weekend I am going to attempt potty training Tristan and I wanted to make sure that we had good meals cooked and ready to be heated for us to eat. I do not want us going to get some crap food from some crap place. I cooked tonight's meal and then two casserole dishes for the weekend.

I made Taco Soup for tonight. I then did Chicken Spaghetti. That one was easy. I sort of cheated a bit to save time but still. It was easy and only took about 40 minutes to make. Then I made lasagna. That was insane. I didn't know that it would take me that long to fix it. It looks delicious though. It is sitting in the fridge waiting for tomorrow night to come so it can be eaten.

I also want to point out that I had company come over for dinner tonight also. So on top of playing hostess, I made these. I am super impressed with myself.

Now, the downside to cooking such great food every day? I didn't lose any weight this week and probably gained a pound or so. Normally I do good restraining but this week I didn't. My food looked so flippin good I couldn't hold back. I don't regret it.

Oh yeah, I also baked a chocolate sheet cake from scratch today. YUM.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Little Miss Betty Crocker

Lately I have been on this kick of trying to cook as many things as I can from scratch. Ever since I got food poisoning from McDonalds, I have tried to stay away from fast food chains. I will NEVER take my kids there again (they got food poisoning also). It really made me realize a few things.

1) I have no clue who is preparing the food I am giving my family or myself. I don't know if they are following the guidelines. I don't know if they aren't putting boogies or snot or sneezing or coughing in our food. At fast food joints the person fixing our food, which is supposed to fuel our bodies to work properly and help our children grow strong, is probably some teenager who only wants a paycheck so they can blow it on whatever it is they fancy. They don't care about the fact that actual people EAT that food and if they don't handle it correctly then THEY are the ones making others sick. My children and I got super sick because someone else didn't handle our food properly.

2) I have no clue WHAT I am eating actually. I don't know what they use to cook the food in. Or what else they put on it. Or where it was bought at. I want to make sure we are getting the best I can offer. I can offer my children food from a fast food place or I can make them something from my own kitchen that I know is good for them.

3) It is much more expensive to go out to eat. I am far from rich and would much rather spend our money on other stuff. I would rather build memories of cooking in the kitchen with my boys (spending money on groceries rather than fast food is that point).

4) I want my boys to look back at their childhood knowing that Mommy is the one who fed them. Not restaurants, not other people, but their loving Mother. I want them to say "my Mom makes the best .... (fill in the blank) when someone asks what their favorite dish is. I want them to want their wife to cook at home like their momma did. I know this one is selfish but this is how I feel. My blog, my feelings.

So with those feelings I now possess, I am cooking all my meals without prepackaged help (as much as I can) and trying not to go out to eat all that often. I am loving it. It is so much fun learning all the different foods and ways to cook things. And baking is so different than cooking. Baking is all about being exact with your ingredients and cooking is all about "feeling" what's right. Cooking is more generous with mistakes and baking is not forgiving at all. But I still like it.

Julian is LOVING it. He always says such sweet, encouraging words about my cooking. He is very supportive. He also eats everything...even if it is gross. My husband...I love him.

So that is why I am cooking all the time now. That's the reason behind it and I am very excited to continue this journey of learning and feeding my loved ones. I can't think of a better way of showing how much I love them than providing them energy and fuel for their precious bodies to grow. I am keeping my family as healthy as I can because I want them around me all the rest of my days.
Yesterday was Mother's Day. It was such a great day. It started on Saturday, well really last Sunday I suppose. Julian got me a KitchenAid stand mixer for Mother's Day. I spent all week making and baking things. It was so flippin awesome. I made homemade bread for the first time and holy cow it is good. It was so much easier than what I thought also. I was nervous about the yeast. I had no clue how to use it, take care of it, keep it alive (what the?) and cook it. It was quite easy though. You just follow directions and voila. That's it. It was a great week and an even greater weekend.

I got to have both my boys love on me all day. Tristan kept telling me he loved me and "happy mother's day". It melted my heart each time he said it. Aiden brought me a present on his little arm. I don't know how Julian managed that one but I am sure glad he did. It was the cutest thing ever. I made my mom a blueberry crumb cake for Mother's Day. She said she liked it so I consider that a success. I made it with my new Mother's Day present.

I love my husband and family. I am blessed.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

What's going on

I can't believe Aiden is one. Tristan is four months shy of his third birthday. Gosh, where did the time go?

We put our house on the market. We have had a few showings but not many. However, considering we live WAY back in Roman Forest and New Caney isn't all that populated or popular I think a few showings is pretty good. There is one couple who wants to come back for a second showing. I am trying not to think about it all that much. I am happy here and would be happy somewhere else also. We LOVE our house, just wish we had cable and were closer to entertainment options. It is a 30 minute drive no matter where we go. That isn't the funnest with two little ones and naps to be had.

Tristan is doing great. He is going to start MDO in the fall. He is so excited about that. He wants to play with kids his age. Aiden is fun but just not there at his level. His teeth are doing good. I went to the dentist yesterday and they said all looks good. I was praying about this appointment all month. My poor baby. I did NOT want him to go through any more pain to "fix" his teeth. He did fantastic. He really did. He did so good that I went to Target right after and bought him "Toby" (from Thomas the Engine) because we lost his other twenty dollar Toby. This one only cost me $6 though. I wasn't paying another $20. He swears it's at Abigail's house but I don't know about that. Abigail has her own Thomas stuff so he might be thinking her's is really his but it actually her's. Follow that? Ha.

Aiden is terrific. He is still going through separation anxiety but it is slowly getting better. He is at least reaching out for other people now and he even went to one of my friends that Aiden hasn't even met. I was shocked. SHOCKED. A good shocked,but still shocked. He is teething like mad. He has almost all his teeth already. Molars and everything. They all came in at once and that was not fun to deal with. But now it is all done and over with. He is still not saying "Momma" and prefers to grunt or yell for stuff he wants. He points and grunts. It is kind of funny yet annoying at the same time. He isn't walking just yet but he crawls super fast to wherever he wants to be. He loves trains (courtesy of Tristan) and is pure boy. He is exactly like his Daddy in behaviour and looks. He loves Tristan and wakes up asking for him. I love it.

That is pretty much all that is going on with us. Hope you (whoever you are that might be reading this) are doing good also.

Friday, April 23, 2010

you know what sucks? my own parents and brother and sister-in-law did NOT call Aiden on his birthday. boo. they are supposed to be the "closest" relatives he has and they didn't even wish him a happy birthday.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

to believe or not to believe

I wonder why some people get to do whatever they want with no consequences. It makes it hard to not have yuck feelings although I know I am not supposed to. It isn't my place to judge. There are a few things I am thinking of at this particular moment. I am not going into detail but it makes me question things I have been told or believe. Hmmmmmm.....why not me?

Pray I shall do.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Tooth Drama

Here is an update of all that went on with Tristan's tooth. So about a month ago he fell in our kitchen right on his tooth and it made it turn grey over a period of 4 weeks. Thank goodness I already had a dentist appointment made for that Friday (he fell on a Monday). His tooth was dead and actually started to get an infection in his gums. We went to the dentist again four weeks after his fall and they said that we had to do something about it pronto. We made an appointment on a Friday to remove BOTH his front teeth and have fake ones put in as the replacements. The reasoning for that was because the dentist said that extraction of the top left tooth (F tooth to be exact) would pretty much guarantee infections would not come back. For aesthetic reasons it would have been best to remove both top teeth and have them replaced. OR we could have just extracted the tooth and left it empty till his adult tooth came in (which would be about five whole years of not having a tooth...no way). Well, we made the appointment to have both removed and then replaced but over the weekend something inside my heart told me that just wasn't the right choice. It kept nagging at me really bad...really bad. I couldn't think of anything else. So Monday (the 22, March) we went in for our appointment but said there would be no extraction. We went over our options again and decided the best option would be a root canal and crown for him. So we went on Thursday for the procedure and now all the drama is done.

He did very well considering that even adults get all freaked out with root canals or teeth fiddling of any kind. We got there at 11 (mind you he couldn't have anything to drink or eat before the procedure so the last time he had anything was at 6:45 pm the night before) and they gave him his "drugs" to numb him and some kind of drug to keep him from remembering the procedure. I can't remember what it is called. Anyhow, I had to keep an eye on him to see the change. It was quite weird watching my baby be okay and then all the sudden get wobbly and sluggish. He was loopy to say the least. He was taken to the room that had a nice tv on the ceiling for him to watch a movie while they did their job. It didn't work though because as soon as I left the room (I was not allowed to stay in there) he started FREAKING out. I have never heard my child cry like that. I was down the hall pacing back and forth the whole time while Julian tried to help calm me. That didn't work. I was very on edge. I am really, really, really dreading the day that something major happens. I am going to lose it. I kept asking the front lady if he was okay and the nurse that came out of his room a few times if he was okay. She said the he was crying because of them hovering over him and messing with his face, not crying because of pain. Well, I know my baby and his cries and he was crying because of pain AND because he didn't like them messing with him. As soon as they gave me the okay I ran in the room to hold him. He was hysterical. I wanted to pay and leave ASAP. Julian paid them and then we left. Julian had to meet me at the dentist so we were in seperate cars. I wish we drove together because the drive home was the worst drive I have ever had. Tristan was so out of it and crying so bad and wanted his Daddy and Mommy to hold him. Thank goodness by the time we got home he had worn himself out. He wanted me to read "Green Eggs & Ham" about 3 or 4 times and then he fell asleep for about 3 hours. He woke up and acted like nothing ever happened!!!

Seriously, he woke up and was perfectly fine. I made him mac n cheese and he had two bowls. I had to go pick up Aiden from my mom's house and when I got back everything was normal. He didn't cry, he didn't whine, he didn't act like anything hurt. He didn't need Tylenol or anything. I was absolutely amazed at my precious son. He did SOOOOO good. He hasn't complained or whined at all since. It looks good too. It is different than before but it doesn't look bad. I am sooooooo glad that we didn't extract both teeth. He would have gone two weeks with no teeth until the fake ones came in. I couldn't do that to my baby. NO way.

So that is all the drama. I know that it wasn't as big as other operations and surgeries, but it was a big deal to me.

I thank God that He was with my little Tristan and that He could heal him like no other. As soon as my hubby puts pictures on the computer, I will try to post pictures.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

God is laughing at me

These days I am learning some of the different experiences that children can bring. I have learned to be more patient while learning that I need more patience. I am learning that these little babies that grew inside of me are little mimicks of us. They will do what they see us do and think it is how life is. I am much more aware of the words coming out of my mouth, what is on my television set, what I listen to on the radio, and how I treat and REACT to other people. I am working on this and that is why I have capitalized that word. I am a reactor when it comes to other people. You know that verse "be slow to anger..."? Yeah, I am SOOOOOOOO not an expert on that one. But it certainly helps me to learn it better when I know that how I react to others is teaching my child how to react. So I am more aware of my emotions and how to handle them these day than past days. I, of course, still have my moments when I "explode" and feel like a crumb afterward but I am trying and that is the best that I can do.

Aiden had learned to say no. That stung. I cringed when I heard it because that is a reflection of me (for the most part). He hears me correct Tristan with that word or correct him with that word. He hasn't even said "momma" yet. It is making me rethink how I correct my boys though. I am trying to use other words instead of "no". I am saying "gentle" or "let's do this instead" more now. But it sure is hard because the first word that pops into my head when they are doing something they shouldn't is no. It is humbling. My children are a reflection of Julian and myself and I want them to be the best people they can be. I want the best for them in every way. I want them to be polite, outgoing, strong, positive gentlemen. I want them to stand up for what they believe in when they get older. I want them to be strong and say "no" when temptation comes their way. (at that time "no" will be a wonderful word for them to use...just not now at the age of two and ten months) I pray that they are leaders and not followers.

Because I want the best for them, it is my job as their mother to teach them these virtues. I am just figuring out my short comings along the way. It is quite a humbling experience, motherhood. I am learning that I can love someone in a way that I never thought possible and even when they are bad I just keep on loving them more and more. I want to endure the fit throwing to make them better in the end instead of walking away from it like it isn't happening.

Tristan is such a wonderful son. He has his moments but he really is a good kid. He doesn't want to share but does anyways (after some talking too of course). He can count to twenty and knows how to play "real" games now. He cleans his room to my liking (which is some pretty high standards) and listens to direction very well. He loves his brother and protects him. At the same time though he does get annoyed with him when Aiden takes his choo choo's. He always wakes up and gives the best kisses. I just love him. Sometimes you have to write out all the good and some bad to REALLY appreciate what you have.

Aiden is so loving. He is very, VERY attached to his mommy right now. In fact, on Sunday when I dropped him off in the nursery it wasn't even ten minutes later that I had to go get him because he was crying so bad. I had to hold him all service in the front of the hallway. I didn't mind though because that just meant more cuddling with my little Egeh. He is a quick learner and has the most beautiful smile. His chocolate eyes will melt your heart. He has cute little piggies that we like to eat. He adores his brother and tries to be with him as much as possible. He will play with him and try to do what Tristan does. Tristan taught him how to play cars and trains. He makes the sound of cars sometimes too because that is what Tristan does. Again, I never thought I could love someone else like I do my children. Until you have one (or more) you just don't know what that kind of love is. You just don't. I thought I did when I had my first puppy, Squeaker, but that is NOTHING compared to having children.

So I am learning how to be a better person, and mother, as I go along. God is laughing because He is seeing His daughter grow up. I thought I knew it all but I know nothing. He is chuckling at the growth He sees and because He loves me more than I know. He wants the best for me. It isn't laughing in a bad way but a good way. The kind of chuckle you give when you see your child achieve a goal or master a skill (even though I have not mastered anything). A sweet chuckle from my Father above reminding me just how small I am in the world but how big I am in His heart.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Time Flies

Wow...where did this year go? It is already March. My Aiden is ten months and Tristan is now two and half. Aiden is doing good and growing up so fast. He is trying real hard to mimick me and the sounds I make. He also LOVES his brother so very much. Everywhere Tristan goes, he goes. Aiden actually gets sad if Tristan is asleep when he wants to play. He will go to his door and try to knock on it. It is very cute (if Tristan stays asleep that is). Tristan is pure boy and is everywhere these days. He is learning how to hold an actual conversation with you. He tries to make his sentences complete and correct. He can count to twenty and say his alphabet and recognize all sorts of shapes (including a pentagon..haha). He loves to play games.

Last week was a rough week for my Tristan. On Monday he fell in our kitchen and busted his lip real bad. We ended up having to go to the minor emergency room (urgent care). He had x-rays taken of his jaw to make sure he didn't do anything to it. Thank goodness he didn't but on Wednesday I noticed that his teeth were crooked. They weren't before but now they sort of are. It was a good thing that I already had a dentist appointment made for him on Friday. Friday was Tristan's very first time going to the dentist. I know, he should have gone much earlier than now but I never took him. I am not sure why. Anyhoo, he did SOOOOO good. He let them clean his teeth and take x-rays (AGAIN) of his teeth (not jaw). His teeth looked fine but the dentist did say that his front two teeth are loose and that means that he will probably lose them faster than most children. We are having to watch them to make sure they don't turn color or get an infection or anything like that. The sad part is that we have to go back in about three or four weeks for another look at them and set of x-rays. THEN we have to go back again in three months and take more x-rays. After that we do normal cleaning and check ups but we have to get x-rays almost every time we go. How sad. I am upset that this happened. I cried and cried. I know that it isn't my fault and that children fall and get hurt but it made me so very sad. I don't want anything to change on my precious, perfect first born. He doesn't seem to be in pain at all and that is what really matters. As long as he is okay then I should be okay too. I am just sad that he was in pain even for a little bit.

Oh, then guess what? He fell AGAIN Friday night playing with his daddy. And yep, he bled again. I was SOOOOOOOOOO sad. My poor, poor Tristan. He was a trooper though. He only cried for a bit and then he told me "It's okay Momma. Tristan's owie get better". How cute is that? He was more worried about me than himself. We had pictures on Saturday morning, so we will always have the proof of his rough week.

It just seemed like the week would never end. Now I am constantly watching my Tristan to make sure he doesn't fall on his face again. It's tough because he is a boy and wants to be all physical. He loves to run around and play.

We are decluttering every room and organizing our things to make sure we are able to utilize every bit of space we have without it looking crowded. I am loving it. I love to organize things and clean up stuff. Julian thinks I am nuts for that but I really do. I think that Julian is quite uncomfortable during this process. He doesn't like when I get into my cleaning frenzy. Right now he is just going with it but deep down, I think he likes the end product. It is amazing what new paint, moving around furniture, and putting things away can do. It makes the house look brand new. Again, I LOVE it.

That's pretty much it for now. I am looking forward to March. We plan on going to the Livestock Show, the zoo, maybe even the museum. I am excited for some family outings this month. We even got a new part to our park at the front of our neighborhood that is calling our names. I see us visiting that park quite a bit this year now that Aiden is going to be walking and I am no longer pregnant (I always get super, SUPER hot when I am pregnant and hated being outside).

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

something new, jenny's blue

So I am in a funky mood right now. I don't know if it is because I found out some sad news from my dear friend about her pregnancy. I know that God is in control but I am just so sad because too many people in the last year have had so many problems with pregnancies. It breaks my heart to see my friends go through heartache.

It might be because Aiden will be one in two months and 19 days. I can't believe how incredibly fast this year has gone by. I am also sad because my goal was to have lost all the baby weight from my FIRST pregnancy by the time Aiden turned one. I lost all Aiden's weight super quick but good gosh it is hard to lose the weight from Tristan's pregnancy. Everytime I get going with doing good, I end up having fast food and feel as though I failed. It is really hard because almost every Tuesday and Thursday I get free food at work but it is always, and I mean always, fast food. Plus I just love soda but soda sure doesn't love me. I really need to do something new and different to lose weight because what I have been doing just isn't cuttin' it.

I also feel blah just cause. I think it's because things are changing that I thought wouldn't change but they are. I am feeling like a fish out of water and it isn't pleasant. I see things going on that I don't care for but there is nothing that I can do about it. Even if I said something, nothing would happen...especially if the person I am supposed to tell is doing the "thing" also. It makes me feel yucky. I wish things were different because the place they are happening at is the one place you wouldn't think it would happen at but yet is the number one place it happens at. Follow that?

Julian is in school. He is taking three classes (nine hours I think) and boy are they in depth. He has papers due out the whazoo. It's crazy. So crazy that he is going to need to be at library every moment he can be or stuck in our room studying/writing/etc. I know it needs to be done and I am totally for it but it is sad that I can't be with my best friend. I want to hug and kiss my husband but can't because he has to have his face stuck in books. I am telling myself to think of the end result and how wonderful it will be but I can't help but have some doubts. I think about what we are trying to achieve and you know what? I think we have it pretty good right now. It is WONDERFUL if Julian gets his degree so he can be a good example for our children but as far as getting a good job...whatever. He has a good job right now. We have nice things with almost no debt. We have been married three 1/2 years and only have one credit card with debt. Our house has nice furniture with all sorts of toys for our children. We are able to pay bills in advance with overpayments. Here is what I am worried about. I see men who have degree's and have all kinds of money (or at least put on a show that they do but I think they really have debt coming out their ears and are living on credit cards that are probably maxed out) but yet they work till all sorts of hours. They don't have time for their families. They don't have time for their marriages. They give all they have to their job so they can "provide" for their family yet never even see their family. They spent all their time going to school to be a better provider and then spend all their time working at a job that they went to school to get. The results...NO TIME WITH FAMILY. I don't want that for Julian. And Julian doesn't want that either. Right now he has a good job that pays enough for us and he is home by 4:30 and is able to take time off when needed with vacation time and benefits. I like where he is at and he does too. It's just right now he is going for other reasons that I don't want to say that make it worthwhile for now but it is just rough. Rough on him and rough on our boys. I am able to get by because I am a tough girl that makes things work no matter what. Julian and I have learned how much we love each other and how precious our time is. We are much more passionate with each other when we are together. We say I love you more and hug more and give kisses more often. Our boys are seeing loving parents and what it takes to make things work. That makes me happy but I just miss my husband.

So all these things in conjuction with each other make me blue. I had to get that off my chest. I am laying this all out there for the reason that if you are reading this and have felt any of these feelings before, you aren't alone. We all feel blue sometimes and we all have our own unique problems. Sometimes we just have to spit it out to get some healing, to make ourselves better. Writing them down is better than saying them face to face with someone. No one is judging me as I write my thoughts down and hopefully won't judge me after reading them. But with the mood I am in right now, I would throw someone to the curb if they judged me. I don't have time nor the patience to deal with people who judge others for how they feel.

So here is how I feel...not filtered in any way. These are my thoughts and I own them.

Friday, January 29, 2010

My little man

Aiden went to the doctor last week adn got his nine month check up. He is growing up so fast. He is 28 1/2 inches long and weighs 15 lbs 10 oz. The doc is concerned about his weight being so low but Aiden shows no signs of being starved. He is a happy boy who has little chunk rolls on his legs and arms. He isn't cranky (other than when he is sick or teething) after eating as if he was still hungry. I told the doctor that he comes from a family of very small, petite people. His grandma isn't even five feet tall and his great grandma was just as small. His daddy isn't the biggest fellow around. The pediatrician wants us to go back to see him in four weeks to weigh Aiden and see some progress. Aiden also had a sinus infection but now a week later it is gone. Thank goodness for medicine is all I have to say on that.

So that is Aiden growing up sooooo fast. Tristan was 27 inches long and weighed 19 lbs. 10 oz. at 9 months. What a difference huh? Aiden is longer and skinnier than Tristan was. That's makes sense though because Aiden looks just like his daddy in face and body but Tristan looks more like me. Our body types are more similar than him and his daddy's.

I am happy to report that I have healthy, happy baby boys who are growing up right before my eyes into beautiful children.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Left Field

I am sitting here on the couch after a long day. All in all the day was good but Aiden is driving me nuts with the seperation anxiety. I never had that with Tristan. He only made a stink one time when we left him in the infant room at church. I wrote it down in his baby book because he never did that and I found it cute that day. But now, my goodness Aiden cries when I leave the room or I go out of his sight. It drives me bonkers. I was so stressed today trying to clean the house and get dinner cooked while keeping him occupied. Even Tristan got tired of hearing him cry. LOL. Sunday we were the shepherds for the walkers and Aiden cried in the infant room and I ended up having to get him and hold him the whole time. Good thing we had wonderful, well behaved kiddos in the walker room (yay Jayce and Hadley).

Julian and I wanted three babies. We dreamed of having at least three children maybe four. After today and the last couple of weeks I am thinking that two is just fine. I don't think that I am willing or able to do another baby like Aiden. I don't know how parents do it. Tristan was my exception to every rule in the book. He didn't cry a lot, he went to bed SOOOOOOOOOO easy, he ate wonderful, he was perfectly well behaved and just one of a kind. Aiden is textbook child to the T. He is everything the book says. He is my problem sleeping baby, crying baby, etc etc. I just don't know about having another one. If I knew they would be "easy" like Tristan was then I would have five more but that is just crazy to think about. And kuddos to all those parents out there with colicky babies. Holy moly I couldn't imagine.

Aiden goes to the doctor on Friday which is good because he has a cough. The kind from the chest that needs to be looked at. I hope he isn't sick like me (Bronchitis) but if he is, that explains a lot. That might/could be the reason for his excessive crankiness. I will find out soon. Tonight Aiden went down without a fuss but that is probably because he cried the whole time I was getting him ready for bed. He had boogies and I had to suck them out with the boogie suckie thing and he really did NOT like that. But he could breathe better afterwards. He also might be teething. Now that I think about it, Aiden has a lot going on right now and I should be more understanding to that. I just gave myself a lesson about being more patient by writing all this down. LOL. Shame on me for getting frustrated with him when he has reason to be cranky.

Tomorrow is new day with new possibilities and renewed patience and understanding. I love my boys and I will show them that.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Recap

Wow it has been forever since I posted anything on here. Here is a recap of things that have been going on.

Christmas was great. The boys got all sorts of toys that made me go into rotating mode with their old toys. I had to get rid of toys to make room for the new toys. Julian and I are going to attempt a garage sale next Saturday, so we shall see how that goes. We have been trying for about two months now to have one but something always comes up and we postpone it. For some reason though I can't seem to part with any of their clothes. I just get all mushy inside when I look at the little itty bitty sizes of newborn and 0-3 month clothes and just can't part with them.

My birthday was okay. It wasn't the best but when you get older the pizazz of birthday's just aren't the same as when you were younger. Julian's mom came into town on my birthday to stay with us for a week. That was a great visit. She had strep throat when she arrived so that FREAKED me out but no one got it. The funny thing is, when she left is when we all got sick with just the common cold that won't go away..two weeks later. UGH. Anyhow, my family went to Brio and enjoyed some delicious food. I had a great time there with my loves ones and Julian surprised me with a Nook for B&N. I haven't received it yet but I am excited for when it ships.

While my MIL was here we went to Disney Live at the Toyota center and Tristan had a blast. That is the first event that we have taken him too really. I wanted to take him to an Imagination Movers concert thing but I was a week late. Oh well. We have taken him to the museum and stuff but nothing Disney. Julian has been talking about taking him to one of those things since he found out we were going to be parents. LOL. It only took two years but we got there. Aiden had a good time also. He loves it when Tristan smiles and laughs. That makes him smile and laugh. It warms my heart to see them smile and laugh together. LOVE it.

You know what we did New Years Eve? NOTHING. Not a darn thing. Gosh, we are old. LOL. Maybe next year we can live it up.

I am sick and trying to get over this darn cold that just won't go away. The boys were sick for a week and that was very hard. Both boys being sick at the time was very stressful. I wanted to pull my hair out. There was one night were I truly kept going from Tristan's room to Aiden's room all night long. I didn't go to bed till about 4:30 am. Everytime one child cried the other would start and then I had to hold both till they calmed down but had to keep them separated and they kept wanting to be with each other. That was very very hard on me. I would spend ten minutes in Tristan's room and then go spend ten minutes in Aiden's room. Julian wanted to help me but the boys wanted ONLY me. They would not accept Julian's help. Weird.

Tristan is doing fantastic. He is so grown up now. He knows tons of shapes and colors and can count to ten and sing songs. He loves to read and be read too. He tries to "read" to Aiden and Aiden just sits there and soaks it all up. We played our first game with Tristan. They are these plastic Oreos that stick together by matching different shapes. He has to find the matching shapes and put them together. Well, he pulls one half of the cookie from the jar and if it matches what he has he puts them together. It teaches him patience also. We had lots of fun with the "cookie game" as he calls it.

Aiden is doing fantastic also. He is crawling all over the house and is trying to talk now. It is sooooooooo cool watching him talk. He is truly trying to talk...not just say mama or dada but make a sentence. He voice goes up and down and he makes facial expressions and the whole nine yards. I think it is from listening to all of us talk. He hasn't said his first word yet but he is close. I almost hear dada the other day. Almost. He is cruising now also. Walking is right around the corner. We go for our nine month check up next Friday. I am anxious to see how much he weighs. The Dr. was concerned last time we went because Aiden was so small. Julian and I were both small babies though so I was worried. I just said that everything was fine that Aiden didn't seem hungry or sad or lacking in any way so he shouldn't be worried either. I am still nursing Aiden which a huge deal for me. My goal was to do it for a year because I had to stop at 4 months with Tristan. I am struggling a bit right now though because my supply has gone down and Aiden's appetite has gone up. He refuses formula. REFUSES it. I am working on upping my supply. I also make his baby food which is something I wanted to do with Tristan but never did.

If I remember I will post Aiden's stats next week. I love seeing how he grows and then comparing them to Tristan's. Aiden is much lighter than Tristan was at this age, that much I know but I think they are around the same length wise. We will find out next week.