Monday, August 31, 2009

All over the board with emotions

Look at me learning all these things on this blogging gig. I had no clue how to post pictures and I figured it out all on my own. That is a big deal for me. I am so proud of myself for learning how to do it. Ashley would be proud of me too. LOL. I always tell her I have no clue how to navigate on the computer. What's funny is that back in the day I used to be very good on the computer and not intimidated at all. I was able to just click and go not worry about messing anything up. That changed when I was living at home with my parents. My dad would get so upset if anything was changed on the computer, like backgrounds or settings. I one time changed the background to some picture and couldn't change it back for months. He was so mad at me. Ever since then I don't do anything on the computer that will alter the settings. I get all nervous. Retarded I know because now I have my own computer and if anything changes, oh well, so be it. Technically it is Julian's computer but what's mine is his and vice versa. He is so much better at the computer thing than me. MUCH better.
So I keep thinking about this blogging scene. Blogging could be used in so many ways I suppose. I could just blog to keep people updated on my everyday living and how the kids are growing if I wanted. I could just post pictures of my family and talk about what we did or want to do and keep it like that. OR I could use blogging as a window into my soul. I could be totally honest with myself and anyone reading it and say what I feel or think. I could do that but ... that is a scary thing. It is just scary to open up to people in general but to write it on a posting and have it where you could always go back to it is super scary. That means that someone could use what I have to say against me. I find that to be a common theme in my life. They could come back to the post in question and just keep reading something over and over and get angrier and angrier about something I may have said or not said. Reading something is tricky when it deals with what someone is saying about how they feel. You can't hear how it is being said or how their face looks when they say it. That is important. For instance... read "thank you". How did you think I said it? Did you read it in a sweet way with a nice voice saying thank you? Or did you read it in the sense that I was being sarcastic and rude by saying thank you in a not nice way? See...if you could have heard how I said it or seen my face you would know. But you didn't. You read the words "thank you" and drew your own opinion of how I meant it. That is scary to me. Call me paranoid or whatever you may but these are the thoughts that I have. They are my own and they are real. That in itself is a glimpse of me. All this rambling about the paranoia of my words being used against me. What is weird is that I am not even having drama right now to make me think that way. I just do. Again...that seems to be a common theme in my life where people throw things back at me. But now I have better friends in my life. I got rid of the people who brought me down and have people who seem to love me for who I am and not who I should be.
I will ponder some more about the choice I have on how to use this blog. Should I use it for updates on my family or should I use it as a journal and be open with all the computer world to see? Hmmm...choices, choices.
Plus...I am a very changing person. I always want to move my furniture around in my house because I can't live with it in the same place for too long before it drives me nuts. I like change but hate change at the same time. I may want to use this blog to vent and other days use it to let you all know how me and the boys are doing. You just have to keep reading it to find out what I will use it for.

Saturday, August 29, 2009


Today was just a fun day. That is the word to describe today all Julian and I took Tristan bowling today for the first time. It was his birthday celebration. Grandma Dodi and G-Pa came also. Those are my parents although Grandma (Julian's mom in Alburquerque) would have been there for sure had she been here. He had a blast. He even got a strike. Tristan didn't last all that long though because he got super tired and just wanted to be in a comfy spot and relax. It was very cute to see him be that way because normally he is everywhere and excited to play but not today. He was happy at first and then was tired. I must say, Tristan being tired and not getting his sleep usually equals a bad time but he did super good. He was a trooper and let his mommy and daddy and grandparents bowl. Aiden was there too. He just sat in the stroller and chilled. Sleep came and took hold of him also. Maybe the sleep fairy came for the kids!!

After bowling we went for pizza and Tristan got to ride in those mechanical cars, you know what I'm talking about? He thought that was the coolest thing ever. His smile was just gorgeous while riding in that big red truck that was moving. LOL. Precious times hundred. I shouldn't have had pizza but we were celebrating Tristan's birthday and there was no way I was missing out the good stuff because of some diet. That pizza was good too. I had way to much and even had dessert. Yum-ee.

So after bowling and eating pizza we had to come home to let the boys nap. Julian and I watched our DVR of Big Brother and then cleaned up some. We went through Aiden's dresser and closet to "retire" some items that are no longer fitting our snugglebug. I still can't believe how big Aiden is getting at such a fast rate. Time went by much faster than I thought it would. We actually had to "retire" lots of clothes. I was surprised at how much and was sad that Aiden didn't even get to wear some of the clothes hanging in the closet because Mommy forgot about them. Note to self...go through closet about once a month and rotate clothes so I don't forget about the ones in the back. Anywho, after cleaning out the dresser and closet we had movie night. Tonights matinee was Pete's Dragon. Remember that movie from way back when? Tristan got kind of bored with it though because there was lots of singing and slow parts. He played with his trucks during those moments.

So all in all....great fun day. We needed a day like today after having a tough week filled with uneccessary drama. That's truly a whole other story that I won't be diving into.

That is it for today and maybe this time I will keep up with this blogging thing. We'll see.

I need to figure out how to post pics on here.

Friday, August 28, 2009

My Babies

Well, here I am again. I am not sure why I write on this when I truly feel that no one reads it. Is that because I haven't told people or is it because I am not that interesting to read about? Maybe it's both. Either way, I am here sitting at my desk at work writing this out. I would do this at home but my computer is acting funny and this one at work is MUCH faster.

Tristan turned two yesterday. Wow!! My baby boy is two years old. I remember going through pain and more pain to get him here in the world with Julian and me. He is the most beautiful little boy (as well as Aiden) and I couldn't be prouder of him. He is so very loving and kind. He always kisses and hugs Aiden and his Daddy and Mommy. He just is so perfect.

Aiden is doing great. He has his first tooth and is sitting up. He is trying to master the grasping thing and is doing a wonderful job. Now to get him to roll over from back to tummy and to sit up without help for more than ten seconds. It will come, I know, and then I will ask for him to go back to being a blob. Time goes by too fast for me. I want my babies to stay the way they are right now.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

I don't know

No one ever reads this because I have no clue how to let it be known I have one of these nor I feel that people would actually care to read what I have to say. I am going to post this thought however just for the heck of it. Good night.