Look at me learning all these things on this blogging gig. I had no clue how to post pictures and I figured it out all on my own. That is a big deal for me. I am so proud of myself for learning how to do it. Ashley would be proud of me too. LOL. I always tell her I have no clue how to navigate on the computer. What's funny is that back in the day I used to be very good on the computer and not intimidated at all. I was able to just click and go not worry about messing anything up. That changed when I was living at home with my parents. My dad would get so upset if anything was changed on the computer, like backgrounds or settings. I one time changed the background to some picture and couldn't change it back for months. He was so mad at me. Ever since then I don't do anything on the computer that will alter the settings. I get all nervous. Retarded I know because now I have my own computer and if anything changes, oh well, so be it. Technically it is Julian's computer but what's mine is his and vice versa. He is so much better at the computer thing than me. MUCH better.
So I keep thinking about this blogging scene. Blogging could be used in so many ways I suppose. I could just blog to keep people updated on my everyday living and how the kids are growing if I wanted. I could just post pictures of my family and talk about what we did or want to do and keep it like that. OR I could use blogging as a window into my soul. I could be totally honest with myself and anyone reading it and say what I feel or think. I could do that but ... that is a scary thing. It is just scary to open up to people in general but to write it on a posting and have it where you could always go back to it is super scary. That means that someone could use what I have to say against me. I find that to be a common theme in my life. They could come back to the post in question and just keep reading something over and over and get angrier and angrier about something I may have said or not said. Reading something is tricky when it deals with what someone is saying about how they feel. You can't hear how it is being said or how their face looks when they say it. That is important. For instance... read "thank you". How did you think I said it? Did you read it in a sweet way with a nice voice saying thank you? Or did you read it in the sense that I was being sarcastic and rude by saying thank you in a not nice way? See...if you could have heard how I said it or seen my face you would know. But you didn't. You read the words "thank you" and drew your own opinion of how I meant it. That is scary to me. Call me paranoid or whatever you may but these are the thoughts that I have. They are my own and they are real. That in itself is a glimpse of me. All this rambling about the paranoia of my words being used against me. What is weird is that I am not even having drama right now to make me think that way. I just do. Again...that seems to be a common theme in my life where people throw things back at me. But now I have better friends in my life. I got rid of the people who brought me down and have people who seem to love me for who I am and not who I should be.
I will ponder some more about the choice I have on how to use this blog. Should I use it for updates on my family or should I use it as a journal and be open with all the computer world to see? Hmmm...choices, choices.
Plus...I am a very changing person. I always want to move my furniture around in my house because I can't live with it in the same place for too long before it drives me nuts. I like change but hate change at the same time. I may want to use this blog to vent and other days use it to let you all know how me and the boys are doing. You just have to keep reading it to find out what I will use it for.
