to believe or not to believe

I wonder why some people get to do whatever they want with no consequences. It makes it hard to not have yuck feelings although I know I am not supposed to. It isn't my place to judge. There are a few things I am thinking of at this particular moment. I am not going into detail but it makes me question things I have been told or believe. Hmmmmmm.....why not me?

Pray I shall do.

Tooth Drama

Here is an update of all that went on with Tristan's tooth. So about a month ago he fell in our kitchen right on his tooth and it made it turn grey over a period of 4 weeks. Thank goodness I already had a dentist appointment made for that Friday (he fell on a Monday). His tooth was dead and actually started to get an infection in his gums. We went to the dentist again four weeks after his fall and they said that we had to do something about it pronto. We made an appointment on a Friday to remove BOTH his front teeth and have fake ones put in as the replacements. The reasoning for that was because the dentist said that extraction of the top left tooth (F tooth to be exact) would pretty much guarantee infections would not come back. For aesthetic reasons it would have been best to remove both top teeth and have them replaced. OR we could have just extracted the tooth and left it empty till his adult tooth came in (which would be about five whole years of not having a tooth...no way). Well, we made the appointment to have both removed and then replaced but over the weekend something inside my heart told me that just wasn't the right choice. It kept nagging at me really bad...really bad. I couldn't think of anything else. So Monday (the 22, March) we went in for our appointment but said there would be no extraction. We went over our options again and decided the best option would be a root canal and crown for him. So we went on Thursday for the procedure and now all the drama is done.

He did very well considering that even adults get all freaked out with root canals or teeth fiddling of any kind. We got there at 11 (mind you he couldn't have anything to drink or eat before the procedure so the last time he had anything was at 6:45 pm the night before) and they gave him his "drugs" to numb him and some kind of drug to keep him from remembering the procedure. I can't remember what it is called. Anyhow, I had to keep an eye on him to see the change. It was quite weird watching my baby be okay and then all the sudden get wobbly and sluggish. He was loopy to say the least. He was taken to the room that had a nice tv on the ceiling for him to watch a movie while they did their job. It didn't work though because as soon as I left the room (I was not allowed to stay in there) he started FREAKING out. I have never heard my child cry like that. I was down the hall pacing back and forth the whole time while Julian tried to help calm me. That didn't work. I was very on edge. I am really, really, really dreading the day that something major happens. I am going to lose it. I kept asking the front lady if he was okay and the nurse that came out of his room a few times if he was okay. She said the he was crying because of them hovering over him and messing with his face, not crying because of pain. Well, I know my baby and his cries and he was crying because of pain AND because he didn't like them messing with him. As soon as they gave me the okay I ran in the room to hold him. He was hysterical. I wanted to pay and leave ASAP. Julian paid them and then we left. Julian had to meet me at the dentist so we were in seperate cars. I wish we drove together because the drive home was the worst drive I have ever had. Tristan was so out of it and crying so bad and wanted his Daddy and Mommy to hold him. Thank goodness by the time we got home he had worn himself out. He wanted me to read "Green Eggs & Ham" about 3 or 4 times and then he fell asleep for about 3 hours. He woke up and acted like nothing ever happened!!!

Seriously, he woke up and was perfectly fine. I made him mac n cheese and he had two bowls. I had to go pick up Aiden from my mom's house and when I got back everything was normal. He didn't cry, he didn't whine, he didn't act like anything hurt. He didn't need Tylenol or anything. I was absolutely amazed at my precious son. He did SOOOOO good. He hasn't complained or whined at all since. It looks good too. It is different than before but it doesn't look bad. I am sooooooo glad that we didn't extract both teeth. He would have gone two weeks with no teeth until the fake ones came in. I couldn't do that to my baby. NO way.

So that is all the drama. I know that it wasn't as big as other operations and surgeries, but it was a big deal to me.

I thank God that He was with my little Tristan and that He could heal him like no other. As soon as my hubby puts pictures on the computer, I will try to post pictures.

God is laughing at me

These days I am learning some of the different experiences that children can bring. I have learned to be more patient while learning that I need more patience. I am learning that these little babies that grew inside of me are little mimicks of us. They will do what they see us do and think it is how life is. I am much more aware of the words coming out of my mouth, what is on my television set, what I listen to on the radio, and how I treat and REACT to other people. I am working on this and that is why I have capitalized that word. I am a reactor when it comes to other people. You know that verse "be slow to anger..."? Yeah, I am SOOOOOOOO not an expert on that one. But it certainly helps me to learn it better when I know that how I react to others is teaching my child how to react. So I am more aware of my emotions and how to handle them these day than past days. I, of course, still have my moments when I "explode" and feel like a crumb afterward but I am trying and that is the best that I can do.

Aiden had learned to say no. That stung. I cringed when I heard it because that is a reflection of me (for the most part). He hears me correct Tristan with that word or correct him with that word. He hasn't even said "momma" yet. It is making me rethink how I correct my boys though. I am trying to use other words instead of "no". I am saying "gentle" or "let's do this instead" more now. But it sure is hard because the first word that pops into my head when they are doing something they shouldn't is no. It is humbling. My children are a reflection of Julian and myself and I want them to be the best people they can be. I want the best for them in every way. I want them to be polite, outgoing, strong, positive gentlemen. I want them to stand up for what they believe in when they get older. I want them to be strong and say "no" when temptation comes their way. (at that time "no" will be a wonderful word for them to use...just not now at the age of two and ten months) I pray that they are leaders and not followers.

Because I want the best for them, it is my job as their mother to teach them these virtues. I am just figuring out my short comings along the way. It is quite a humbling experience, motherhood. I am learning that I can love someone in a way that I never thought possible and even when they are bad I just keep on loving them more and more. I want to endure the fit throwing to make them better in the end instead of walking away from it like it isn't happening.

Tristan is such a wonderful son. He has his moments but he really is a good kid. He doesn't want to share but does anyways (after some talking too of course). He can count to twenty and knows how to play "real" games now. He cleans his room to my liking (which is some pretty high standards) and listens to direction very well. He loves his brother and protects him. At the same time though he does get annoyed with him when Aiden takes his choo choo's. He always wakes up and gives the best kisses. I just love him. Sometimes you have to write out all the good and some bad to REALLY appreciate what you have.

Aiden is so loving. He is very, VERY attached to his mommy right now. In fact, on Sunday when I dropped him off in the nursery it wasn't even ten minutes later that I had to go get him because he was crying so bad. I had to hold him all service in the front of the hallway. I didn't mind though because that just meant more cuddling with my little Egeh. He is a quick learner and has the most beautiful smile. His chocolate eyes will melt your heart. He has cute little piggies that we like to eat. He adores his brother and tries to be with him as much as possible. He will play with him and try to do what Tristan does. Tristan taught him how to play cars and trains. He makes the sound of cars sometimes too because that is what Tristan does. Again, I never thought I could love someone else like I do my children. Until you have one (or more) you just don't know what that kind of love is. You just don't. I thought I did when I had my first puppy, Squeaker, but that is NOTHING compared to having children.

So I am learning how to be a better person, and mother, as I go along. God is laughing because He is seeing His daughter grow up. I thought I knew it all but I know nothing. He is chuckling at the growth He sees and because He loves me more than I know. He wants the best for me. It isn't laughing in a bad way but a good way. The kind of chuckle you give when you see your child achieve a goal or master a skill (even though I have not mastered anything). A sweet chuckle from my Father above reminding me just how small I am in the world but how big I am in His heart.

Time Flies

Wow...where did this year go? It is already March. My Aiden is ten months and Tristan is now two and half. Aiden is doing good and growing up so fast. He is trying real hard to mimick me and the sounds I make. He also LOVES his brother so very much. Everywhere Tristan goes, he goes. Aiden actually gets sad if Tristan is asleep when he wants to play. He will go to his door and try to knock on it. It is very cute (if Tristan stays asleep that is). Tristan is pure boy and is everywhere these days. He is learning how to hold an actual conversation with you. He tries to make his sentences complete and correct. He can count to twenty and say his alphabet and recognize all sorts of shapes (including a pentagon..haha). He loves to play games.

Last week was a rough week for my Tristan. On Monday he fell in our kitchen and busted his lip real bad. We ended up having to go to the minor emergency room (urgent care). He had x-rays taken of his jaw to make sure he didn't do anything to it. Thank goodness he didn't but on Wednesday I noticed that his teeth were crooked. They weren't before but now they sort of are. It was a good thing that I already had a dentist appointment made for him on Friday. Friday was Tristan's very first time going to the dentist. I know, he should have gone much earlier than now but I never took him. I am not sure why. Anyhoo, he did SOOOOO good. He let them clean his teeth and take x-rays (AGAIN) of his teeth (not jaw). His teeth looked fine but the dentist did say that his front two teeth are loose and that means that he will probably lose them faster than most children. We are having to watch them to make sure they don't turn color or get an infection or anything like that. The sad part is that we have to go back in about three or four weeks for another look at them and set of x-rays. THEN we have to go back again in three months and take more x-rays. After that we do normal cleaning and check ups but we have to get x-rays almost every time we go. How sad. I am upset that this happened. I cried and cried. I know that it isn't my fault and that children fall and get hurt but it made me so very sad. I don't want anything to change on my precious, perfect first born. He doesn't seem to be in pain at all and that is what really matters. As long as he is okay then I should be okay too. I am just sad that he was in pain even for a little bit.

Oh, then guess what? He fell AGAIN Friday night playing with his daddy. And yep, he bled again. I was SOOOOOOOOOO sad. My poor, poor Tristan. He was a trooper though. He only cried for a bit and then he told me "It's okay Momma. Tristan's owie get better". How cute is that? He was more worried about me than himself. We had pictures on Saturday morning, so we will always have the proof of his rough week.

It just seemed like the week would never end. Now I am constantly watching my Tristan to make sure he doesn't fall on his face again. It's tough because he is a boy and wants to be all physical. He loves to run around and play.

We are decluttering every room and organizing our things to make sure we are able to utilize every bit of space we have without it looking crowded. I am loving it. I love to organize things and clean up stuff. Julian thinks I am nuts for that but I really do. I think that Julian is quite uncomfortable during this process. He doesn't like when I get into my cleaning frenzy. Right now he is just going with it but deep down, I think he likes the end product. It is amazing what new paint, moving around furniture, and putting things away can do. It makes the house look brand new. Again, I LOVE it.

That's pretty much it for now. I am looking forward to March. We plan on going to the Livestock Show, the zoo, maybe even the museum. I am excited for some family outings this month. We even got a new part to our park at the front of our neighborhood that is calling our names. I see us visiting that park quite a bit this year now that Aiden is going to be walking and I am no longer pregnant (I always get super, SUPER hot when I am pregnant and hated being outside).