broken

This morning I went to Target to do some Christmas shopping. I found what I was looking for easily and told Julian that I would take the boys with me to get my glasses adjusted while he checks out. I needed my glasses tightened because Aiden seems to like to grab them and make them become loose on my face. So off me and the boys went to the eye part of Target. They took my glasses and went to town fixing them. The tech guy gave them to me to try them on and see how they fit. I put them on and thought to myself "this feels perfect". He looked at me and said that he needed to do the right side of them a little bit more. My instinct said keep them but my body took them off my face and gave them to the tech. Next thing I knew I heard "crack". Mind you I can't see a darn thing because I am practically blind. I hear Julian (who came in the shop but I apparently didn't see because I had no eyes) let out his breath in a bad way. I squint my eyes and see my lens cracked completely in half. I am surprised that I didn't just lose it right then and there. I was very polite and didn't yell or anything. I just let him tell me that he was sorry and that he would order me a pair of glasses to replace them. The bad part is I have no replacement pair at home to hold me over until the new pair come in. I have on old pair but they give me a huge headache. ugh. So now I have to wear an old pair that I can't see that well with that gives me a headache until the Monday after next week. ugh again. I am glad that I wasn't rude to the guy or anyone else. But now that I have spent all day wearing a pair of glasses that aren't right for me I am highly annoyed and agitated. I just want to see correctly and not have a headache.

At least I got some of my Christmas shopping done though.

Tristan and the ER

I think I experienced the scariest moment of my life as a mother. On Monday night/ Tuesday morning Tristan woke up coughing very badly and it sounded different. The weird part is that I am always the one who hears the kids during the night if they cry or cough or make any noises and that night Julian is the one who heard him. I felt Julian get out of bed and then I heard Tristan crying hysterically and trying to breathe. I went into his room to see what was going on because Tristan always wants Momma when he isn't feeling well. Julian was sitting on his bed holding him to calm him down. We at first thought he couldn't catch his breath due to him crying so hard. We took him to the living room and that was when I said something was terribly wrong. Tristan was trying so hard to get air into his lungs but just couldn't. I was so scared.

I looked into Julian's eyes and said "Doctor, right now! I think he has croup." I had never heard of croup until last year when my friend's son ended up getting it around Christmas time. She said that his cough sounded like a bark or seal. That was what Tristan sounded like only worse because he couldn't catch his breath. I got nervous. So Julian got dressed in negative three seconds and was out the door with Tristan. I knew that Tristan was going to be scared and he didn't have his Mi-ah (the name for his blankie) so I went to get it from his bed and ran out the door to the car to give it to him. Julian said that I should be the one taking him to the hospital because I calm him down when he is nervous and I know his medical history. I knew that was smarter than Julian taking him but I was no way going to take Aiden to the hospital with who knows what kind of germs there. So I got dressed faster than I have ever done anything in my life and off we went to the ER.

Now my neighborhood is very strict with their speed limit. We live all the way in the back of it and the speed limit is 35 almost all the way except for the front where there is a pool and playground. The speed limit changes to 25 and I am not kidding when I say that there is ALWAYS a cop waiting to pull you over if you are even one mile per hour over the limit. Well I didn't give a hoot about speed limits or cops. I sped the entire way out of my neighborhood. God was with me because not only was there not a cop around (unheard of) but we didn't have any traffic lights or traffic period. I drove about 85 down the freeway to Kingwood Drive and then sped on the feeder till I got to the hospital.

When we got there, we signed in and were seen very quickly. The funny part is Tristan stopped having trouble breathing when we got there. I thought to myself I should just turn around and go home so that way we wouldn't be charged. But I didn't turn around, I had to make sure my precious son was okay. While Tristan was getting looked at (temperature taken and some thing that tests the amount of oxygen going through his body) he was smiling and talking to me. He was so good. He had a raspy voice but he was very alert and snuggly. He was also VERY happy to have his mi-ah. The nurse said that he was getting oxygen so his breathing was good and he didn't have a temp. We then went back to the ER and proceeded to have x-rays done. He was soooooooo good. I can't tell you how wonderful he did. He sat so still and was so polite to the nurses. He even said thank you after each picture they took...on his own. I did not tell him to say that. It was precious. They thought that was so cool also. So after x-rays we had to go into the room we were assigned and wait for the results. They did a flu check (negative) and gave him a steriod shot (which really helped the swelling go down in his throat). He didn't like the shot but who would? I told him he was going to get a prick on his leg and that it would hurt for a bit but be better for him in the long run. The nurse guy that was in there (all I could think about was Greg Focker) said that he was proud of me for telling Tristan the truth about the shot. I guess lots of parents say that the medicine is candy and then the kids go home and eat/drink all the medicine in the house thinking it's candy.

So after the shot and flu check we just waited for about an hour and then the doc came in and said it was croup. Croup is a viral infection of the trachea and voice box. Oh yeah...Julian met us at the hospital right after the shot. That helped take Tristan's mind off the pain from the shot. I am so proud of my Tristan for being so cooperative. He didn't cry (except for the shot) the whole time we where there. So I was given papers on how to handle croup and then we headed home.

The next night (last night) was supposed to be bad also from what the Dr. said and the books said. He slept all through the night without a peep. He hasn't had any signs of being sick whatsoever. I am still giving him his medicine but so far so good. Just that one bad night and I am glad that I stayed to get him looked at. Just in case.

So that was our experience with Tristan and the ER. Our first trip to the hospital. I was scared silly but surprisingly remained calm and made sure my first born was okay. I love that boy with all that I am and would go to the ends of the earth for him.

In case you are wondering, my mom came to our house so Julian could make it to the hospital with us. I am thankful for both my mom and my husband. Thank you mom for watching my Aiden and thank you Julian for coming to be with us. You are my calm in the storm and I love you.

Oh, the pain!

Yesterday I had a dentist appointment to fill two cavities. I haven't had a cavity in ten years and all the sudden I have two of them. Technically though they are filling three because my old one is cracked or something so they have to fix it. Anyhow, so yesterday I had my mouth numbed and I hated it. Hated it. I couldn't feel anything in my mouth. I bit my tongue and lip and cheek. OUCH. The horrible part was that they didn't drill my tooth correctly. They left this extremely jagged edge that made it to where I couldn't close my mouth properly. I couldn't eat anything because my jaw didn't align correctly. Something so small, like a piece of tooth, made my entire jaw and mouth hurt for 24 hours. I had to go today to get it fixed. Thank goodness it didn't take but three minutes for them to fix it and now all is good but I was miserable. Julian got home from school and immediately knew I wasn't feeling well. He felt the jagged tooth and told me I better get it fixed asap. Good thing I listened to him.

The sad part is I have to go back for the second cavity in a few weeks and get all numb again. boo hoo.

been too long

It has been forever since I was last on here. I still watch the crap t.v. shows that I don't think I should be watching, btw. Oh well.

Aiden is doing fantastic. He is six months old and has finally mastered the sitting up thing. He took FOREVER to do that. I was beginning to wonder about him. I they say not compare your children, but Tristan was sitting up at four months so I couldn't help but be a bit worried about Aiden not doing it. But now he has it, although he would still rather cuddle with his momma. He is my snugglebug for sure. I don't mind because Tristan never wanted to snuggle with me. Plus time goes by so fast that soon enough he isn't going to want me around at all probably. I am loving it all I can right now. Aiden is on the low side of the weight scale so I am going to try to fatten him up just a bit. Not really for the doctors sake but because I can tell he needs more food these days. He is trying to crawl and burning all those calories quickly. My little man is growing up so fast. He as four teeth now. He got his first at almost four months and now he as four teeth at six months. He is extremely attached to me and cries if I leave the room. Not all the time, but enough that I feel he is attached to me. I can usually tell if he will be good in the bouncy or not when I start to put him in. If he goes limp then he is good to go and if he is kicking and fidgetty he usually isn't wanting to be in the bouncy.

Tristan is doing great. He is two and talks a bunch now. I can hold an actual conversation with him now which is so cool. I remember when I was pregnant with him and I would imagine one day being able to talk to him and have him talk back. That day is here. I love it. He loves his baby brother. LOVES him. He wants to play with him and laugh with him. He gets very protective when he cries (although only at home though, when we go out Tristan is more attentive to his own interests). It's cute because when Aiden cries Tristan will ask him "what's wrong Aiden?"

Well, my little ones are waking up from naps (Tristan didn't really nap per say but whatever) so I best go get them before they get rowdy and think I left them.

To Watch or Not?

Ok, so lately I have been thinking that t.v. is just the work of Satan creeping into our living rooms and spreading his filth all over. I say that because I was inviting him into my living room every night and then realized what I considered entertainment was just plain gross. I can't help but be drawn to shows that glorify lying and cheating and sex and all the things that are sinful.

I am not getting all righteous but just getting personal with you. I am sharing my struggle. I love, LOVE, Survivor and Big Brother and Intervention and some other shows along those lines. I like the E! network (well sort of). I like TLC with all their crazy, I can't believe this is a show sitcoms. The problem with some of the shows is that I enjoy watching others not do so good. That isn't right. I should not want to watch Intervention just to get amused by someone else's downfall in life or struggle. I will say that I do really like when they overcome and am happy for them but I still find myself going "are they REALLY going to last staying sober?" in my head. My doubt may come from personal experience with a loved one overdosing. Either way, I should not have those thoughts and question why I do that. Big Brother is just a show that makes lying seem like a way of life and that lying is the ONLY way to get ahead and win. Which in that show it is but that again just isn't right. Television is saying that it is okay to lie to each other and be deceitful to get what we want. Some people might not be able to recognize that it is a show and not "real" life but to those people in the BB house it IS real life. They really are living in that house and really are lying to each other and really are back-stabbing one another. That is their life and how they are getting ahead. BECAUSE they get rewarded if they lie the best or stab each other in the back the best. That just ain't right and I found myself being drawn into the web of lies. I wanted to watch them lie to each other and "backdoor" one another...especially one girl in particular who I thought deserved it the most. That in itself goes into yet another reason I am thinking t.v. just isn't good. I was judging. I was saying who deserved what and blah blah blah.

ok....so this post is getting entirely to long and I sound like I fell off my rocker. I was just trying to say that maybe I need to reevaluate what I am spending my time doing.

I have more to say but Tristan wants to play cars and that is the more important than me ranting about how television is just a bunch of yuck that I watch. And yes I know, I could just watch the shows that are good and not watch the crap that isn't. I am doing that transition. I have really enjoyed getting into that show Planet Earth. Quite interesting really. Gods work is just breath taking.

Sweet Sounds

Now that Tristan is in his big boy bed we keep the door open when it's time to sleep, whether it be at night or during nap time. I put him down for a nap about an hour ago and he is still moving around in there talking to himself. I never knew that was what he did for so long before falling asleep. It is so precious to hear him sing and talk. He tells his bear to go nigh-nigh and shhhh. LOL. He needs to be doing that, but oh well, at least his bear will get rest. He is so silly sometimes. Right now he has poison ivy on the back of his right leg so I have to really watch him to make sure he doesn't take his bandage off and scratch at it. Poor thing. He got it Monday when we went to a farm and he was playing all over the place. I'm sad he got it but at the same time I know he had so much fun getting it. I will do all that I can to make him comfortable because I know he isn't feeling well at the moment.

But hearing him talk while trying to settle down and take a nap is just sweet sounds filling the living room. I love my boys.

Dreaming

So I am sitting here all alone on the couch just thinking about Paris. That is where Julian and I had our first date. It was so romantic and just like a movie. The picture of Julian and me is a picture from our first date. Julian took it right in front of Moulin Rouge. The picture of the Eiffel Tower is from the top of Notre Dame and I was so excited to take that shot. God sure made some very beautiful scenery. I teeter totter with the dream of moving to France. On one hand it would be so fun and new. Waking up and going to the market places and stuff. How cool. On the other hand, it is new and scary. The people may not be as nice and the way of living is just so different. But I can always dream. And maybe one day make my dreams come true. For now though, I think I like dreaming about it and visiting Paris instead of living there.

Labor Day Weekend

So this weekend was Labor Day weekend and it turned out to be very fun and exciting. I personally don't ever do anything for Labor Day other than live like it is any other day. This year was sort of the same but so much fun.

First of all, Julian was home for three days in a row which was fantastic. I always miss him when he has to go to work and school. I pratically don't see him Tuesday through Thursday. But hey, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. I loved being with him all weekend. Tristan also really enjoyed having Daddy around. He misses his Daddy when he doesn't get to hang out with him. Julian enjoyed getting to watch Aiden be the cutest little baby ever. So of course, family time this weekend was much needed and much enjoyed.

Friday night we were going to go get Tristan's haircut but the stylist wasn't there. Sweet and Sassy closes at 7 (which I didn't know and yes, it is a girls place but they do boy haircuts there and I have heard great things about them) and the store manager said that she let the stylist go home early because they weren't busy. The manager asked if we could come back in the morning but I said we didn't plan on it and that it is sort a drive for us (about 35 minutes which isn't too long considering everywhere takes that long to get to in Houston) and she said that we could come back anytime we wanted and she would give us a discount on Tristan's haircut.!! That was sooo nice of her. Score for us!! Especially since I was feeling bad for spending $35 on Tristan's first haircut at Visible Changes. There was NO way I was going to spend that much on his haircut again. I know, I know but it was his first haircut and if you knew Julian you would understand the degree of seriousness about cutting his hair. If Julian had his way, Tristan would be 16 before getting his first haircut so we went somewhere "respectable" for the first one. I will not be doing that again though. So now his haircut will be $10 instead of $35. Yay for us. Also, I found a keychain with Aiden's name on it for my key ring. I have had Tristan's on there since forever ago and never got one for Aiden. I was feeling bad because I had one child on my key ring and not the other. So that was also cool.

Saturday was a big day for Tristan. He moved into a big boy bed!! He did wonderful. He stayed in his bed the whole time. He didn't get up once. We also changed everything about his sleeping routine and it didn't even phase him. He usually sleeps with the door shut and no noise but now we keep the door open (to make sure he stays in bed) and put the radio on. Doesn't even bother Tristan at all that we totally changed everything. I put a guardrail on his bed but that didn't work out to well so now he has nothing and still did fantastic. I was worried he was going to fall out of his bed but he didn't. I put a mattress under his bed and pulled it out some "in case" he fell. So Saturday was big for him.

Sunday was nice and relaxing. Church was great (as usual). Lunch with friends was great (as usual). The boys did great. Julian and I were able to relax when we got home. All in all...great.

And Labor Day, Monday. We went to James and Ashley's farm. Holy Cow (literally cow...there were cows everywhere) Tristan had a blast. He was in heaven. He got ride on a tractor with his Daddy and see "real" cows and be a boy basically. He had a smile all day. It was one of the most beautiful things a mother could see. Her son bonding with his Daddy and just being absolutely happy with the world. Nothing could bring him down off of that cloud he was on. Julian had so much also. I am soooooooooo not an outside girl and the fact that I was outside having fun was something Julian really enjoyed himself. He always talks about going camping and doing outside things. My idea of camping involves air conditioning and running water for showers and potty time and a television would be nice also. That's my idea of camping.... oh yeah and a nice comfy bed. NOT the ground or a sleeping bag or cot. So Julian had a great time watching me have a great time outside.

Loved the weekend with my family and friends. I hope you all had a great weekend also!!

I will post pictures when Julian puts them on the computer for me. Till then...see ya

Loving Life

Life is pretty good at the moment. I love that my boys get along so well and that Tristan is so good to Aiden. Tristan wakes up and gives me kisses and then immediately asks where Aiden is. It melts my heart each morning. I just love it. Tristan pronounces Aiden's name like this eh-geh. Say it out loud and that is how he says it. Funny. I am liking the age they are both at also. Aiden is so much fun and thinks the world is just cool and that Momma is the awesome-ist person around. Tristan is so fun and adventurous. 20 months apart in age is wonderful. Of course Tristan is also going through the phase of knowing what he wants but not quite translating it to me in a way that I can understand each time. He gets very upset with me when I can't figure it out. But in the end, we work it out.

Julian and I are doing great. We are at a point though where a big decision is going to need to be made about our future. We want to move but don't want to move. He likes his job but doesn't like the isolation part of it. I like working but want to stay at home with the boys. We have an opportunity to change all that so we are praying about it. We both want to make sure we make the best choice for Tristan and Aiden and then also ourselves.

My family is doing okay. My brother and I aren't fighting with each other anymore but we also aren't talking really. We are in a weird funk that I can't quite explain. I realized some things about myself and my family over the last week. No matter how much you love someone and want the best for them, if they don't want the love or to respect others there isn't much you can do about that. You can only pray for them and love them from afar. I think that is where I am at right now with him. Hopefully it will change for the better because I really do love my only sibling so very much and wish the absolute best for him and his family.

Ok, so on to more exciting things. Aiden has his second tooth. At four months he has his two bottom teeth already. Here is a picture of his first tooth. That is Farrah Fawcett by the way in the background. I didn't realize that she was in the picture until after we took it and then I tried to take more pictures of his tooth without her in the shot but none were as good as this. Oh well.

Just a quick note here...I am proud of myself again for being able to post a picture. Yay me.

I am still trying to figure out how to place the pictures on here though. I am such a loser. LOL. I better get some cleaning done while the kiddos are napping. Till next time...take care.

All over the board with emotions

Look at me learning all these things on this blogging gig. I had no clue how to post pictures and I figured it out all on my own. That is a big deal for me. I am so proud of myself for learning how to do it. Ashley would be proud of me too. LOL. I always tell her I have no clue how to navigate on the computer. What's funny is that back in the day I used to be very good on the computer and not intimidated at all. I was able to just click and go not worry about messing anything up. That changed when I was living at home with my parents. My dad would get so upset if anything was changed on the computer, like backgrounds or settings. I one time changed the background to some picture and couldn't change it back for months. He was so mad at me. Ever since then I don't do anything on the computer that will alter the settings. I get all nervous. Retarded I know because now I have my own computer and if anything changes, oh well, so be it. Technically it is Julian's computer but what's mine is his and vice versa. He is so much better at the computer thing than me. MUCH better.

So I keep thinking about this blogging scene. Blogging could be used in so many ways I suppose. I could just blog to keep people updated on my everyday living and how the kids are growing if I wanted. I could just post pictures of my family and talk about what we did or want to do and keep it like that. OR I could use blogging as a window into my soul. I could be totally honest with myself and anyone reading it and say what I feel or think. I could do that but ... that is a scary thing. It is just scary to open up to people in general but to write it on a posting and have it where you could always go back to it is super scary. That means that someone could use what I have to say against me. I find that to be a common theme in my life. They could come back to the post in question and just keep reading something over and over and get angrier and angrier about something I may have said or not said. Reading something is tricky when it deals with what someone is saying about how they feel. You can't hear how it is being said or how their face looks when they say it. That is important. For instance... read "thank you". How did you think I said it? Did you read it in a sweet way with a nice voice saying thank you? Or did you read it in the sense that I was being sarcastic and rude by saying thank you in a not nice way? See...if you could have heard how I said it or seen my face you would know. But you didn't. You read the words "thank you" and drew your own opinion of how I meant it. That is scary to me. Call me paranoid or whatever you may but these are the thoughts that I have. They are my own and they are real. That in itself is a glimpse of me. All this rambling about the paranoia of my words being used against me. What is weird is that I am not even having drama right now to make me think that way. I just do. Again...that seems to be a common theme in my life where people throw things back at me. But now I have better friends in my life. I got rid of the people who brought me down and have people who seem to love me for who I am and not who I should be.

I will ponder some more about the choice I have on how to use this blog. Should I use it for updates on my family or should I use it as a journal and be open with all the computer world to see? Hmmm...choices, choices.

Plus...I am a very changing person. I always want to move my furniture around in my house because I can't live with it in the same place for too long before it drives me nuts. I like change but hate change at the same time. I may want to use this blog to vent and other days use it to let you all know how me and the boys are doing. You just have to keep reading it to find out what I will use it for.

Bowling

Today was just a fun day. That is the word to describe today all around...fun. Julian and I took Tristan bowling today for the first time. It was his birthday celebration. Grandma Dodi and G-Pa came also. Those are my parents although Grandma (Julian's mom in Alburquerque) would have been there for sure had she been here. He had a blast. He even got a strike. Tristan didn't last all that long though because he got super tired and just wanted to be in a comfy spot and relax. It was very cute to see him be that way because normally he is everywhere and excited to play but not today. He was happy at first and then was tired. I must say, Tristan being tired and not getting his sleep usually equals a bad time but he did super good. He was a trooper and let his mommy and daddy and grandparents bowl. Aiden was there too. He just sat in the stroller and chilled. Sleep came and took hold of him also. Maybe the sleep fairy came for the kids!!

After bowling we went for pizza and Tristan got to ride in those mechanical cars, you know what I'm talking about? He thought that was the coolest thing ever. His smile was just gorgeous while riding in that big red truck that was moving. LOL. Precious times hundred. I shouldn't have had pizza but we were celebrating Tristan's birthday and there was no way I was missing out the good stuff because of some diet. That pizza was good too. I had way to much and even had dessert. Yum-ee.

So after bowling and eating pizza we had to come home to let the boys nap. Julian and I watched our DVR of Big Brother and then cleaned up some. We went through Aiden's dresser and closet to "retire" some items that are no longer fitting our snugglebug. I still can't believe how big Aiden is getting at such a fast rate. Time went by much faster than I thought it would. We actually had to "retire" lots of clothes. I was surprised at how much and was sad that Aiden didn't even get to wear some of the clothes hanging in the closet because Mommy forgot about them. Note to self...go through closet about once a month and rotate clothes so I don't forget about the ones in the back. Anywho, after cleaning out the dresser and closet we had movie night. Tonights matinee was Pete's Dragon. Remember that movie from way back when? Tristan got kind of bored with it though because there was lots of singing and slow parts. He played with his trucks during those moments.

So all in all....great fun day. We needed a day like today after having a tough week filled with uneccessary drama. That's truly a whole other story that I won't be diving into.

That is it for today and maybe this time I will keep up with this blogging thing. We'll see.

I need to figure out how to post pics on here.

My Babies

Well, here I am again. I am not sure why I write on this when I truly feel that no one reads it. Is that because I haven't told people or is it because I am not that interesting to read about? Maybe it's both. Either way, I am here sitting at my desk at work writing this out. I would do this at home but my computer is acting funny and this one at work is MUCH faster.

Tristan turned two yesterday. Wow!! My baby boy is two years old. I remember going through pain and more pain to get him here in the world with Julian and me. He is the most beautiful little boy (as well as Aiden) and I couldn't be prouder of him. He is so very loving and kind. He always kisses and hugs Aiden and his Daddy and Mommy. He just is so perfect.

Aiden is doing great. He has his first tooth and is sitting up. He is trying to master the grasping thing and is doing a wonderful job. Now to get him to roll over from back to tummy and to sit up without help for more than ten seconds. It will come, I know, and then I will ask for him to go back to being a blob. Time goes by too fast for me. I want my babies to stay the way they are right now.

I don't know

No one ever reads this because I have no clue how to let it be known I have one of these nor I feel that people would actually care to read what I have to say. I am going to post this thought however just for the heck of it. Good night.

Today Tristan and I are trying to take it easy. On Wednesday we are having a new family member join us. Momma is taking it easy so my body will be rested and prepared for what is to come. Tristan is just enjoying being able to play with all his toys and have Momma watch him and help when needed (if it is accepted). Tristan is going through his "I don't want any help but need help" stage.

I am new at the blogging so I will keep it short and sweet and hopefully learn more as I go. I know that I will have time at home (sort of) in upcoming months to read a bit and what better reading is there (other than The Word) than catching up on friends and family?

Take Care and Love One Another

I tried changing something...lets see if it worked

New At This

Well...I finally made a blog thingie but have no clue what I am doing. When I get this figured out, I will try to find people. Hmmmmmmm.....how long will that take me?