BIG Month

This December is a big, big month for me.

First, we are going to Albuquerque for Christmas. This will be my first time in Julian's hometown for Christmas as well as the boys. I am very excited about it actually. I am a bit sad about not being with my family, like I always have been, but we are doing our party on the 18 so it's not as if I am not getting a Christmas with them. I am super stoked about going. We are going to do a River of Lights tour. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Christmas lights so I think I'm more excited about that than anyone else. We are planning on taking a train ride to Santa Fe. How flippin' cool is that? Tristan is going to freak. He loves trains and Aiden is going to love it too. He is all boy. ALL boy. Trains, planes, and automobiles are what gets his heart tickin' fast. =) Julian and I are also going to try to go to dinner with one of his Air Force buds. That will be awesome for my Honey. He needs that connection. Grandma will be our sitter so Julian and I also get to go on a date. OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH how we need that. And I know the boys are going to LOVE being with their Grandma. They miss her so much. Plus, she is going to get to know Aiden this time around. She was here in August but I don't think Aiden had really come out of his shell yet. He is now though. He loves to play and get your attention and "talk" to you. I'm excited about the cold weather. I love cold weather. I want to bundle up with all my layers and coats and scarves. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! Hot chocolate and snuggles with Julian to keep me warm. aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

The thing I am most excited about is sharing this glorious holiday with my Mom (in-law but I just call her mom because she is mom. Julian's family is my family). This is the first time I get to spend this holiday with her. This is her favorite holiday as well. I can't wait to see her excitement on Christmas morning. I am going to soak up all the love up and keep it in my heart forever. She needs to be with her grandbabies on her holiday. It's good for the soul. I just love that woman.

The second reason this month is a big one is because I turn THIRTY!! Now, I have never been one to see turning thirty as a big deal. It isn't like 30 is old. However, I have always seen 30 as a big milestone. I have been looking forward to turning thirty since I was about 22. I always saw turning thirty as leaving one "stupid" decade and going into the "secure" decade of life. In our twenties we make tons of mistakes (most of us anyway) and just live our lives thinking we won't pay for our mistakes. In our twenties we are dumb and only care about ourselves. We don't know exactly who we are. But I always thought that when we turn 30 we would be more secure in ourselves and would have learned from our past mistakes. Now that I am turning 30 myself, I am realizing that just isn't the case. I am NOT more secure in myself. I have NOT learned from previous struggles. I mean I have but it sure is hard living out what I know to be true and proper sometimes.

I have taken an inventory of my life and I see 30 rapidly approaching. I am not ready for it in the sense of I thought I'd be further along in my own journey(as just Jennifer, not a Mother, not a Wife, not a Daughter but as just me). I am not as secure as I thought I would be. I am not the woman I saw myself being. I still struggle with things that I thought I wouldn't be struggling with. It is all different than what I dreamed it would be. So I have been working on some of the changes I need to make in order for my thirties to ROCK!! Here are a few:

Finish what I start.
Relax more.
Love more.
Yell less.
Enjoy my family instead of trying to control them.
Be happy with what God gave me.
Embrace myself for who I am.
Stop caring so much what others think.
Be ME not someone else.
Let the little things go.
Stress less.

These are some of the things I need to work on. There are many, many more but I can't think of them. Did you see how some of them are the same? I need to just be happy with being Jennifer. Not try to be "a Jennifer" that others want me to be but just be me. I saw that theme in my twenties. I would change for others. I would think less of myself for some odd reason. But not anymore. I am me and should be happy with that. God made me just the way I am and God doesn't make mistakes. He is perfect. We should all love who we are!