Planning? What planning?

I am a planner.  I always have been.  I am very much a type A personality.  I am bossy, I like lists, I like order to things, I like things done MY way because that is the RIGHT way.

Until this last year.

I learned to never plan.  Well, not never but hardly ever.  The last 7 to 8 months have been the most chaotic, crazy, overwhelming, wonderful, unplanned months of my life.

If I took away ONE thing, and one thing only, from that time it is this: God has a plan for me, and it isn't the one I planned for myself.

But I took away a lot more than that.  Here are some of the things I have learned:
to fly by the seat of my pants
to not worry about "stuff" and let God show me solutions
God is control, not me
laundry will wait for me
my kids laughter is wonderful medicine to my aching heart
my house being dirty is not the end of the world
my car is and will continue to get dirtier and dirtier with two growing
    boys in the backseat
God created me, He designed me, He knows what is best for me
I know nothing other than God is dependable, reliable, and loves me
    unconditionally
I need to relax
life is always changing and I need to change with it
you can always find a positive in any situation
look at the positive instead of the negative
I am stronger than I think
I am only stronger than I think due to God giving me the strength
my children are awesome
my Honey is awesome
I knew those last two things already though!

Basically, I learned a lot.  Things did not go my way AT ALL during the last 8 months.  I had no clue what life was going to throw at us...or me.  I knew that no matter what, God knew what was best for us...and me.  I protested His plan though.  I did.  I am not going to lie and say I didn't.  I won't pretend that it was easy being told "No".  I won't pretend that life was peaches and cream during those hard months.  It was tough.  It was hard.  It took everything in me to hold on.  But I did.  I held on to the truth. I held on to God.

I still don't know what life is going to throw at us...or me.  I am entering a new chapter of motherhood now:  3 kids.  I am "home" to our baby #3 for now.  He or she will join us in September.  This is going to be fun, chaotic, crazy, overwhelming, and wonderful.  But what I know is God chose me.  He chose me to bring His child into this world.  He chose Honey, me, Tristan, and Aiden to be this baby's family.  We are excited and scared at the same time.

I am not planning a thing.  I will go with the flow.  Every time I try to plan something, it never works out.

Life is good.  God is good.  All that He creates is good.  That means my life is good.  My family is good.  This baby is good.  We are all good.

what to say

I haven't posted in awhile.  I don't really have anything to say but feel like I need to make a post.  Here goes:

Honey's job is going well.
My boys are wild and loud and crazy and wonderful.
My animals (dog, dog, and cat) are all doing great.
Work is work.
We are getting our garden ready for the season.
My inside herbs are great.
I have nothing more.

trying to find normal again

My last post was filled with raw emotion.  I had no idea what was going to happen in life.  I still don't.  Who really does?

So here is where we are at, at this very moment in time:

Julian now has a job at NASA.  He starts today.  It is a good, respectable job.  It pays okay.  It will provide insurance, which we haven't had in over six months.  It has a flexible working schedule.  That is a huge kicker for us.  That means that Julian can work four 10 hour shifts instead of five 8 hour shifts.  He will have a day to stay home with the boys while I go to work.  It means he will only have to commute (and boy is it a commute..hour and half drive EACH way) four days a week instead of five.  We had to break down and get a toll pass.  So four days works out well for that as well; only four days having to pay to drive to work and back.

Those are good things to focus on: a good paying job, insurance, possible stability.

life is funny sometimes...and NOT the ha-ha kind

Life is hard.  Period.  It just is.

My life is hard right now.  I have so many things going on that were not part of my master plan.  Things that change everything.  Things that are permanent.

We prayed, we waited, we prayed, we waited, we prayed, we waited some more.  We prayed and waited for something that didn't happen.  God said "No".  I don't understand it.  I don't agree with it.  I want to question God.  I want to be mad.  I *am* mad.  We waited 6 months on an answer.  SIX MONTHS of putting our lives on hold.  Six months of having nothing.  All for nothing.  That is how it feels.

But that is my flesh speaking.  Those are feelings that come and go.  I know better.  I know the truth.  I know that God did indeed say no but that is because He knows something better is out there for us.  He knows that what we thought was good for us might just not be.  The truth is always there, never changing, always reliable.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

I keep telling myself this truth.  I know He knows what is best for me and my family.  We prayed that if what we wanted wasn't the best for us, close that door.  Permanently.  And God listened to that.  He did say "yes' to that one.  Is that what we wanted?  No.  Heck No.  We prayed that because it felt right.  It felt unselfish.  But it wasn't what I wanted.  I wanted the door open.

Here is where Faith comes in.  Do I turn my back now that God said No?  Do I now start to distrust God because He didn't give me what I wanted?  Do get mad and never speak to Him again?  Do I bury myself is pity?

No, No, No, NO!!

I trust in Him.  I trust that He is doing what is right.  Faith isn't something that you feel or do or say only when everything goes your way.  Faith is best displayed when life is hard, when everything is not going your way, when you want to give up but don't.  Faith is trusting in ALL situations, good and bad.

I feel like six months were wasted but I what I know is six months were spent building my faith.  Six months were spent learning how to BE a family.  Six months were spent learning each other and our children.  Six months were spent like never before and probably never again.

God may have said no to one thing, but He is saying YES on so much more!

"Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal"  2 Corinthians 4: 16-18

WW Breakfast

I have been doing Weight Watchers for a bit over 6 months.  It has worked for me.  I love it.  It has taught me so much about food and my relationship with food.  I know that sounds crazy but it's true.

I never realized how much food I was actually eating or how unhealthy I was eating.  I was eating all the wrong foods, way too often. I still eat unhealthy food but just not as often or as much.

I wanted to post this very delicious, healthy breakfast I made this morning.  I really enjoyed it, my Honey really enjoyed it, and my boys ran away from it.  Oh well, I can't please everyone.

Look at how big this omelet is!!

This is only 2 egg whites

and 1 whole egg 

Here are the ingredients:

2 egg whites

1 whole egg

1/4 c. Bell Pepper

1/4 c. Onion

4 slices jalapeno's

1 mushroom, sliced

1 oz of cheddar cheese

Drizzle Olive Oil

Makes one big omelet, so one serving at 5 points.

Heat oven to about 275.  I put a tiny bit of olive oil in a pan and then sautéed veggies, minus the jalapeño, over med-low heat.  In a small bowl, while the veggies are getting soft, I combined my egg whites and one egg.  When my onions, peppers, and mushrooms reached the softness I like, I poured in my egg mix.  I let it set for about a minute and then put my 4 slices of jalapeños on top with the bits of cheese.  I then transferred my pan to the oven to let it continue to cook slowly. 

When the cheese melted and eggs cooked through, I took it out of the oven and took pictures.  I then got my coffee, sat down, watched Pioneer Woman on my cooking station, and devoured my food.  

*THIS* is a delicious, healthy breakfast.  According to my calculations, this is how I reached five yummy, delicious, easy points: egg whites 1 point; egg 2 points; veggies 0 points; cheese 1 point; olive oil 1 point

Fruits of my labor...I mean HERBS of my labor

Check out these BEEEEYUUUUUTEEFUL herbs.  Oh the smell, oh the taste!!

Thyme

Parsley

Sage

Rosemary

Moulin Rouge Day

Every year Honey and I celebrate what we call "Moulin Rouge Day".  It is our special day.  Yesterday was our seventh Moulin Rouge Day!

We always cuddle up on the couch to watch the musical "Moulin Rouge" (with Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor).  We try to do something a little exciting each year to keep it magical.  Last night, I decided that we should try to cook something yummy and new: Grilled Pear, Honey, and Brie Crostini.

It was good.  Honey liked it much more than I did.  I don't think I'm a fan of Brie, or Rosemary all that much.  I really loved the honey though.  Oh how I love honey, and my Hubby Honey too.  :)

The wine was good, the movie was good, the food was good, the cuddling was excellent, and the kisses were the best part.

I sure do love our Moulin Rouge Day!