Guilty that is. Sometimes I feel guilty about certain rules I want enforced, other times I don't.
Here is an example: I don't like toys out in the living areas of the house. Living, as in social gathering areas, like the kitchen, dining room, and living room. The boys have their own side of the house which includes two rooms, a bathroom, and a hallway. Plenty of space with PLENTY of toys. I know why they keep bringing out into the living room but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Today Tristan brought six, yes SIX, trains out into the living room while I was trying to vacuum. I told him to take his trains back into the room where the train table (with tracks and everything) was. I started to feel guilty about that, as if I should let him have his toys wherever he wants, because in the big picture it doesn't really hurt anyone. But then I remembered that I gave them HALF of my house to play with toys.
Why does the guilt always have to be there? I know I'm not out of line enforcing rules that make sense but the guilt is still there. I do have my reasons for toys not being all over the house by the way. And I've told them thousands of times to keep their toys on their side of the house!!
I love those boys DEARLY (read last post) but sometimes I just wish they would listen a bit better. My lovely lads are no different than any other kids, this I know, but it is just as equally frustrating. Some days are harder than others for us Mommies. Today is one of those days.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Letter to My Tristan and My Aiden
To My Precious, Beautiful, Wonderful Blessings
I love you so incredibly much. These words are from my heart to yours. This song makes me cry every time I hear it because I think of you two and how God knew exactly who to create for me to love unconditionally, not once but twice. Mommy will always love you, Always and Forever! I thank our Heavenly Father every day for both of you.
THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE by Addison Road
There's a little flame inside us all
Some shine bright, some shine small
The rains will come and the waters rise
But don't you ever lose your light
In this life you will know Love and pain, joy and sorrow
So when it hurts, when times get hard
Don't forget whose child you are
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine, gonna let it shine
May you live each day with no regret
Make the most of every chance you get
Let your eyes get wide when you look at the stars
With the same sense of wonder as a child's heart
With the ones you love treasure the time
And for those who are gone keep their memories alive
Hold on to your dreams don't ever let go
There's a fire inside you burning with hope
There will be days when you want to give up
When the clouds settle in
But after the rain comes the sun
Don't you ever forget
One day there will be no more pain
And we will finally see Jesus' face
So until then I'm gonna try to brave the dark and let my little light shine
There's a little light inside us all
I love you so incredibly much. These words are from my heart to yours. This song makes me cry every time I hear it because I think of you two and how God knew exactly who to create for me to love unconditionally, not once but twice. Mommy will always love you, Always and Forever! I thank our Heavenly Father every day for both of you.
THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE by Addison Road
There's a little flame inside us all
Some shine bright, some shine small
The rains will come and the waters rise
But don't you ever lose your light
In this life you will know Love and pain, joy and sorrow
So when it hurts, when times get hard
Don't forget whose child you are
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine, gonna let it shine
May you live each day with no regret
Make the most of every chance you get
Let your eyes get wide when you look at the stars
With the same sense of wonder as a child's heart
With the ones you love treasure the time
And for those who are gone keep their memories alive
Hold on to your dreams don't ever let go
There's a fire inside you burning with hope
There will be days when you want to give up
When the clouds settle in
But after the rain comes the sun
Don't you ever forget
One day there will be no more pain
And we will finally see Jesus' face
So until then I'm gonna try to brave the dark and let my little light shine
There's a little light inside us all
Monday, April 11, 2011
Learning
Learning. It can be fun. It can be exciting. It can be hard. It can be sad. It can be lots of different things. I am learning that life is all about what you make of it. We are here for a purpose. How do we live out that purpose? I'm learning and it is fun, hard, and worth it. Some days are much easier than others but everyday isn't as hard as our minds make it out to be. Christ is ALWAYS with us and He gives us the strength (and tools) to help us through it. I've been looking back at the last year & a half and can now see that God was teaching me something. I can take what was given and do nothing OR I can take it and grow, grow, grow!! I'm going to choose the latter. I would rather see my past as the stepping stones for the future. I will have a better understanding of situations that will come again in life and know how to handle them (better) next time. Of course, I still struggle with certain things but who doesn't? Who doesn't have reoccurring struggles? But now I don't feel so alone. God is good and that's all there is to it.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Lies
Why do people feel the need to lie? I don't get it. "White" lies are still LIES! Just don't do it. Honesty is the best policy. If someone can't handle the truth that is their issue not yours. Just don't lie.
I can't handle them. I loathe them. I don't lie and don't want to be lied to. I'm a big girl. I can take whatever comes my way. If I look fat in something, I would like to know the true answer if I ask you. Don't say "No" if the answer is "Yes". That is a white lie most people do.
But I was lied to in a bigger way. In a way that makes me mad inside because the other party must think so little of me that she didn't want to tell me the truth. As if I am some rude, inconsiderate person and wouldn't respect her wishes. That is when I really, really hate lies. It not only isn't right but you are throwing how you feel about the other person out there. Here is an example:
We will go back to the fat lie mentioned above. If someone asks you if they look fat but you say no then you must think that they can't handle the truth. But what if they can? If they ask, they can handle the truth. We all know that the truth hurts sometimes.
Lies always come back around. They just do. Somehow they will come to surface. Maybe not now, maybe not in the near future, but someday they will.
I can't handle them. I loathe them. I don't lie and don't want to be lied to. I'm a big girl. I can take whatever comes my way. If I look fat in something, I would like to know the true answer if I ask you. Don't say "No" if the answer is "Yes". That is a white lie most people do.
But I was lied to in a bigger way. In a way that makes me mad inside because the other party must think so little of me that she didn't want to tell me the truth. As if I am some rude, inconsiderate person and wouldn't respect her wishes. That is when I really, really hate lies. It not only isn't right but you are throwing how you feel about the other person out there. Here is an example:
We will go back to the fat lie mentioned above. If someone asks you if they look fat but you say no then you must think that they can't handle the truth. But what if they can? If they ask, they can handle the truth. We all know that the truth hurts sometimes.
Lies always come back around. They just do. Somehow they will come to surface. Maybe not now, maybe not in the near future, but someday they will.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Stealing Happiness
You know who knows you really, really well? Satan. Yep, he does. He studies you. He watches over you. He will go to great lengths to turn you from God.
He knows my weaknesses. He knows when to whisper silly, hurtful, little lies into my ear to bring me down. He has studied me all my life and knows exactly how to look endearing and trustworthy only to then yank the joy right out of my heart. I've caught on to his tricks. It has taken me 30 years but he keeps it fresh to keep fooling me BUT it's the same trick deep down, just different casings. It's all the same for me....DISCONTENTMENT!!
That is his secret weapon. He gets to me with my contentment issues. I know one thing in particular that prevents me from being content. I struggle with it. I can't help but feel inadequate, left out, judged, being the one judging, jealous, envious, mad and sad. Those are some of the emotions but all emotions are felt when I engage in this new way of life. What am I talking about? Facebook.
FB is just another tool for Satan to use against me. It is great for others but not me. I used to like it but now I just find myself getting a ball of unwanted emotions in my tummy every time I go to that site.
It has taken me a long time to finally see what was going on. I kept thinking that something was wrong with me, that I had problems. I see now that it is perfectly fine that FB might be great for others but not great for me. I haven't been putting status updates (regularly) for a few weeks now and no one even noticed. If they did, they said nothing. Nothing at all. I had to bring it up to people for them to notice. It doesn't matter if I am on there or not. It doesn't effect anyone else but it does effect my life.
I would rather go back to high school days when I had to call someone and talk to them to find out what's going on in their life or just to chat because we enjoyed each others company. I do LOVE texting though. With my two boys it is much easier to type out a text and send it rather than be on the phone and have them go nuts trying to get my attention. I sound like an 80 year old woman that is refusing to accept the changing times but I see what is good for my family, myself, and my journey to be like Christ. If something is getting in the way of that then I need to remove it.
With that, so long Facebook. I leave you now but who knows what the future holds. It's been a good/bad/long run.
He knows my weaknesses. He knows when to whisper silly, hurtful, little lies into my ear to bring me down. He has studied me all my life and knows exactly how to look endearing and trustworthy only to then yank the joy right out of my heart. I've caught on to his tricks. It has taken me 30 years but he keeps it fresh to keep fooling me BUT it's the same trick deep down, just different casings. It's all the same for me....DISCONTENTMENT!!
That is his secret weapon. He gets to me with my contentment issues. I know one thing in particular that prevents me from being content. I struggle with it. I can't help but feel inadequate, left out, judged, being the one judging, jealous, envious, mad and sad. Those are some of the emotions but all emotions are felt when I engage in this new way of life. What am I talking about? Facebook.
FB is just another tool for Satan to use against me. It is great for others but not me. I used to like it but now I just find myself getting a ball of unwanted emotions in my tummy every time I go to that site.
It has taken me a long time to finally see what was going on. I kept thinking that something was wrong with me, that I had problems. I see now that it is perfectly fine that FB might be great for others but not great for me. I haven't been putting status updates (regularly) for a few weeks now and no one even noticed. If they did, they said nothing. Nothing at all. I had to bring it up to people for them to notice. It doesn't matter if I am on there or not. It doesn't effect anyone else but it does effect my life.
I would rather go back to high school days when I had to call someone and talk to them to find out what's going on in their life or just to chat because we enjoyed each others company. I do LOVE texting though. With my two boys it is much easier to type out a text and send it rather than be on the phone and have them go nuts trying to get my attention. I sound like an 80 year old woman that is refusing to accept the changing times but I see what is good for my family, myself, and my journey to be like Christ. If something is getting in the way of that then I need to remove it.
With that, so long Facebook. I leave you now but who knows what the future holds. It's been a good/bad/long run.
Monday, March 14, 2011
A bit sad and A tad mad
It really sucks when life blows crappy changes your way...or someone else's way and it affects you.
Some major changes happened to someone I love. May-Jor changes!! At first I thought they were good changes and then quickly realized how wrong I was. The thing is, it affects my family and me personally. You wouldn't think that someone else's stuff would...someone who lives out of state away from you but it can.
I have realized a few things along the way:
1) You never really know someone
2) They will say it's your fault bad things came from something that they consider good
3) People are SUPER selfish
4) I love this person and her family very much and it saddens my heart to see not-so-good changes take place
5) What we do (or don't do) can negatively affect other people
6) Life is really, REALLY hard sometimes
I hope that things go back to what they were only tweaked a bit to help things get better. I am worried that things will never be the same again after this last year. I am worried that misunderstandings and neglect to see the truth will kill relationships.
Here is what I have to say, bottom line: ALWAYS hear and accept other people's side of the story. Don't just disregard someone's feelings because they don't match your own. We are all different and God made us that way.
If you feel you have been hurt, think of the other person and if you may have hurt them.
Some major changes happened to someone I love. May-Jor changes!! At first I thought they were good changes and then quickly realized how wrong I was. The thing is, it affects my family and me personally. You wouldn't think that someone else's stuff would...someone who lives out of state away from you but it can.
I have realized a few things along the way:
1) You never really know someone
2) They will say it's your fault bad things came from something that they consider good
3) People are SUPER selfish
4) I love this person and her family very much and it saddens my heart to see not-so-good changes take place
5) What we do (or don't do) can negatively affect other people
6) Life is really, REALLY hard sometimes
I hope that things go back to what they were only tweaked a bit to help things get better. I am worried that things will never be the same again after this last year. I am worried that misunderstandings and neglect to see the truth will kill relationships.
Here is what I have to say, bottom line: ALWAYS hear and accept other people's side of the story. Don't just disregard someone's feelings because they don't match your own. We are all different and God made us that way.
If you feel you have been hurt, think of the other person and if you may have hurt them.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Marriage is ...
Marriage is….loving more than you ever thought possible.
Marriage is….freedom.
Marriage is….fun beyond imagination.
Marriage is….contentment.
Marriage is….settling into a new normal.
Marriage is….a wonderful new life.
Marriage is…..misunderstandings.
Marriage is…..learning to forgive.
Marriage is…..wanting more.
Marriage is….waiting.
Marriage is…..infertility.
Marriage is….miscarriage.
Marriage is…..grief.
Marriage is……leaning on each other.
Marriage is…..two people grieving differently.
Marriage is….not understanding.
Marriage is…..turning back to the Lord.
Marriage is….accepting.
Marriage is….daily mundane.
Marriage is…..eating leftovers.
Marriage is…..dishes and laundry.
Marriage is….a much needed night out together.
Marriage is….coming together again.
Marriage is…..loving more than you ever thought possible.
Marriage is….welcoming new life.
Marriage is….learning something new.
Marriage is….being a real “team”.
Marriage is…..seeing each other in a whole new “light”.
Marriage is…..doing hard things for someone.
Marriage is…..getting up at 5am when you don’t have the energy to.
Marriage is…..forgetting to nourish each other.
Marriage is……drifting.
Marriage is…..not agreeing with how to handle a situation.
Marriage is....hard.
Marriage is….anger.
Marriage is….more anger.
Marriage is….sleeping with your backs to each other.
Marriage is….thinking really ugly thoughts.
Marriage is…..getting help from other believers.
Marriage is……surrender of your own “will”.
Marriage is…..learning to let a lot of things….go.
Marriage is……grace.
Marriage is……not expecting perfection.
Marriage is…..learning a “new” way to love.
Marriage is…..appreciating each other.
Marriage is…..being unendingly thankful to the Lord for each other.
Marriage is…..loving more than you ever thought possible.
Marriage is…..forever.
Marriage is….freedom.
Marriage is….fun beyond imagination.
Marriage is….contentment.
Marriage is….settling into a new normal.
Marriage is….a wonderful new life.
Marriage is…..misunderstandings.
Marriage is…..learning to forgive.
Marriage is…..wanting more.
Marriage is….waiting.
Marriage is…..infertility.
Marriage is….miscarriage.
Marriage is…..grief.
Marriage is……leaning on each other.
Marriage is…..two people grieving differently.
Marriage is….not understanding.
Marriage is…..turning back to the Lord.
Marriage is….accepting.
Marriage is….daily mundane.
Marriage is…..eating leftovers.
Marriage is…..dishes and laundry.
Marriage is….a much needed night out together.
Marriage is….coming together again.
Marriage is…..loving more than you ever thought possible.
Marriage is….welcoming new life.
Marriage is….learning something new.
Marriage is….being a real “team”.
Marriage is…..seeing each other in a whole new “light”.
Marriage is…..doing hard things for someone.
Marriage is…..getting up at 5am when you don’t have the energy to.
Marriage is…..forgetting to nourish each other.
Marriage is……drifting.
Marriage is…..not agreeing with how to handle a situation.
Marriage is....hard.
Marriage is….anger.
Marriage is….more anger.
Marriage is….sleeping with your backs to each other.
Marriage is….thinking really ugly thoughts.
Marriage is…..getting help from other believers.
Marriage is……surrender of your own “will”.
Marriage is…..learning to let a lot of things….go.
Marriage is……grace.
Marriage is……not expecting perfection.
Marriage is…..learning a “new” way to love.
Marriage is…..appreciating each other.
Marriage is…..being unendingly thankful to the Lord for each other.
Marriage is…..loving more than you ever thought possible.
Marriage is…..forever.
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