Funky Funk

Have you ever been in a funk and you really don't know why? There isn't anything to really put you in one but you find yourself just being not yourself.

That has been me for the past few weeks. I don't know what caused it but I just found myself not thinking like I normally do. I was very down on myself and others. I was thinking negatively. It just wasn't pretty. It wasn't ugly because I didn't treat anyone else different than normal either. I was just sort of in my own hole. I have slowly gotten out of it and am very grateful that I have.

Julian and I have met new people on our side of town which has been such a great blessing. And the people seem to be super awesome. They are in the same boat of life as we are. They have children that are very close in age as our children. We are spiritually connected in a way that I haven't really felt before. It's as if we walk the same walk and are walking the same pace but yet different enough to where we can learn from each other and challenge each other in an uplifting way. No one is left out, everyone brings something to the table, and we all respect each other. I have been a part of groups before but this one feels different somehow. I can't quite explain it. I am not saying this in a way that takes away anything from other people I have been blessed to know, I am just happy to express what is going on in our lives presently.

Julian has a new job. That is AWESOME news considering he hated his job and it was really wearing on him. This is an opportunity for us. A big, big opportunity for us. It could be a wonderful change or it could be a hot mess. I am praying it works out for us. It could bring happy, happy outcomes for us if it does. If it doesn't then we will just deal with that when it happens. A side note, we now work together. He works where I work. Yay.

These are some happy changes that have taken place over the last month. Julian starts his new job Monday and I am happy for Tuesday when I get to go to work and see him there.

About that funk though, it seems to be going away. Again, I am not sure what caused it or why it stuck around but slowly it is going away. I just wasn't feeling like the normal Jenny. I am now starting to think happier things, feel happy feelings, say happy sayings, and just plain be happy.

I was just wondering if anyone else ever felt that way. Like out of the norm but you just can't put your finger on it and then you start to feel bad because you know you shouldn't feel that way but you still do and then everything else falls apart because you just can't seem to get your act together. All that rolled into one and plenty more that I am just not saying because I already feel I have said too much and don't want you thinking I am a looney case. I am a looney case but I just don't want you to think that I am. Do you? If you didn't, you might now.

Happy Reading Folks.

We didn't even last TWO DAYS!!!

So we didn't even last two days with those crappy pay-as-you-go phones. Not two days. Ha. I was so sad when I had an eye appointment and couldn't call Julian to let him know how I was doing. I was sad when we went to the Children's Museum and I couldn't call Julian to let him know I had his ticket to let him in. I realized how sad I was when I didn't have Tristan's laugh anymore on my phone.

All that combined, plus the fact that with two little ones I need to be able to call my hubby IF I needed.....or wanted, is what led us to say "forget it" with the plan of basic phones.

So I am glad we tried.

We failed.

We moved on and bought new phones.

End of story.

How's this for takin' a step back?

Times are tough. Not just for me and my household but for everyone some way or another. Julian and I made a huge change to help save money. We got rid of our blackberry's and switched over to a pay as you go phone that has unlimited texts. How is that for a big change of life style? That is a HUGE step for us. I felt robbed of something special to me. I was sad. I felt empty. I felt very disappointed.



BUT I did learn a few things in the midst of this. First, I have become entirely too dependant on my phone. It is my "blankie" if you will. I felt complete with my phone. I would check it in the car while driving (I know, I know), it would be within reach during dinner at a restaurant, I had to make sure it was always where I could grab it easily. Second, I was teaching my children that phones are more important than what you are doing in the moment. If my phone went off or an email came through I had to look at it. I don't want my kids feeling that phones are important. Life is important. Living is important. Family is important. Third, I don't want to teach my kids that driving and texting is okay because it ISN'T!!! But that is what I was showing them. I would call Julian as soon as I went somewhere to let him know I was leaving or arriving and if the kids were in the car they obviously saw that. I really don't want them thinking that is okay and the norm. Fourth, it is expensive to have all those gadgets and accessories. I would rather my money go to something else.

This is a very honest post. This is what we are doing as a family and couple to improve our lives. It works for us (at least we are going to find out if it does) and that's what matters.

This is probably going to be a rough transition at first not being able to call someone whenever I want but at least I can text all day long if I want. But I also have a feeling that the first time we don't have to pay an outrageous phone bill we are going to be very happy people.

whatever is true, whatever is noble

"6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praise worthy - think about such things."

Philippians 4: 6-8

We have all read this passage before. I will admit though that I never really looked at verse 8 with an open mind and heart. I have now and I am amazed. I absolutely love that verse. The words are perfect. Perfect. I wish it were easier to follow what it says but it isn't. I have to keep repeating true, noble, right, and pure in my head over and over again when I get upset or down.

But when you do that, a peace really does come over you. You start to loosen up and be happy. I know that most everyone has had this experience a long time ago, the experience of this verse and actually putting it into practice. I was talking to my beautiful mother the other day about this verse. I kept saying how wonderful it is and that I am trying to live it out in my daily life. She, of course, is already familiar with Philippians 4: 6-8 (and many more verses) and listened to me go on and on about it with a smile on her face. I told her that in life people are going to find verses and then forget about them and then come across them again someday. When you come back to it, it will take on a whole new meaning. It is the Living Word and is timeless and permanent and truthful. It can apply to all walks of life no matter what you are going through. One year it may mean something special to you and then the next it means something even more special to you.

I am just in love with how God is never changing in this always changing world. He is alwasy there with open arms no matter how many times I fall. He is always loving and caring and He wants what is best for me. He gave me a manual to help me through this thing we call life...even though life isn't what I am living for. It is for Him and being united with Him one day. Spreading His love because when you love someone or something you want to share it with the world. That's why we have such big, dramatic weddings. We want to share our love for someone with everyone we know. We want to shout it to the world that we are in love with someone and want to spend the rest of our lives with that someone. We should all feel that way with God...wanting to show the world our love for Him and shout it out loud.

Get Moving

So here is a progress report for my "getting back to my normal weight and health only now I have babies" endeavor.

Last week (maybe I should do a weekly report...) on Wednesday I woke up at 5 am and went for an hour walk. I then did another walk that evening for 45 minutes because I knew that I wasn't going to walk on Thursday due to having way too much fun with Julian on his birthday. So as you just read, Thursday was no exercise but tons of food that wasn't good for me. I went to the gym on Friday and did 45 minutes of cardio which was a little over 3 miles. It felt so good but because my body isn't used to that my hip muscle started hurting Saturday evening. I was very busy on Saturday so I didn't have a chance to workout nor did I want to because my muscle hurting.

Today is Sunday and I don't see myself doing anything. Oh wait...I went swimming with the boys. That counts. I didn't swim as much as just chill with my boys but it's better than nothing.

I will try hard this week to keep up the good work. Now I really, really need to work on my food intake. Better food and less of it.

It's About Dang Time

Maybe if I write it down to go into the world of cyberspace/computer waves/land of who knows/world of "does anyone really read this" I might stick to the plan. The plan of actually exercising and trying to be accountable of what goes into my mouth. Aiden is 14 months old and Tristan is almost 3. He is technically 34 months but who in the heck says their child is 34 months old? Use years people. When your child is over the age of two it's time to start using years to tell people how old they are. My point being this...it is past the time for me to have shed ALL baby weight gained. I lost Aiden's within a month and half but I only gained 22 lbs with him. I gained a whopping 48 lbs with Tristan. That weight I have not lost I am sad to admit. But oh well, crying about it isn't going to do anything.

I was doing great with the weight loss but then stress struck. Family stress. Major family stress. My diet was out the window, along with my sanity. But now I have chosen to step away from the drama (which thankfully that drama worked itself out) and focus on me and my boys (meaning all my boys..Julian, Tristan, and Aiden). Step one: lose the weight finally. It is beyond time to lose all that friggin weight. Step two: have fun with life. Step three: Stop worrying about everything. Step four: I haven't looked that far down the list because I am still working on step one. Come back again when I got that all straightened out.

So I was thinking that maybe if I wrote some of my progress down where I know the possibility of someone else seeing what I do, or don't do, is far greater than writing it down where only I see it, I might get serious. Real serious.

Let's see.

Julian's Love Day

So yesterday was Julian's birthday. His 30th birthday! You know, the big one? I took off work so we could spend the day together. He obviously did too. The boys were at my Mom's as if it were a normal Thursday so she wouldn't freak out.

I am so happy we did that. We weren't going to take any time off to celebrate this special occasion of getting old but I convinced my adorable Hubby to spend as many hours with me as possible. I call it our Love Day.

We went to the movies and saw The Sorcerer's Apprentice. It was WAY better than what I had expected. WAY. We went to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch and shared a plate. Awwwww. Normally we don't do that for two reasons: 1) I want my own dang food and I want all of it. 2) He wants his dang food and he wants all of it. There you go. That's why. But yesterday we shared and it was cute. We weren't that hungry from eating massive amounts of popcorn at the movies and it helped save a buck. Win-Win. We then spent an hour browsing around the Apple store. If you know my husband then you know that this is the best gift I could give him minus buying everything in the Apple store. To be able to touch and play with anything he wanted in that store WITHOUT two kids crying and begging to leave is a miracle. We enjoyed that miracle. We really did. And he probably was even more happy that I was showing an interest in all those expensive gadgets. I just don't have the unconditional love for electronics like my Honey does. I think that makes him sad but let's not dwell on that. We then went to look at garden stuff, again if you know my hubs then you know this makes him happy. The time came for us to pick up our little mini-us's and enjoy an evening at home. Yes I just made up a word. I can do that. I'm cool like that.

And the best part is ................. I made the birthday boy THE BEST DINNER EVER!!!! He is a steak man. I am not a steak woman. Do you see the issue? Yes. Good. I made him French Onion Sliced Steak with Gruyere Sauce. and fresh green beans on the side. They were good but who doesn't know how to cook green beans? That's easy. The steak is the show stopper. Plus, Honey LOVES LOVES LOVES LOVES cheese. I made a Gruyere Sauce. I did. Holy Moly. It was easy shmeesy and deelish to boot. Perfecto!! He never puts anything on a steak. It takes away from the steak he says. Rubbish in my opinion but it's his food. I made the Gruyere sauce for the topping of the steak. And he liked it. That is the first time he has ever liked and wanted a topping for steak. I am going to take that as a compliment to the sauce and not an insult to the steak. The steak was fantastic. First time I have ever even attempted making a steak. That's a man's job. Not mine. But it was his birthday and a special one at that so I had to make him something extra special.

It was a perfect, and I mean perfect, Love Day.